Chapter 59

Sorry guys this is a long chapter. Thanks for all your lovely comments and support. I hope you are all still enjoying my story.

“Gill, that was beautiful.” Vero said to as tears streamed down her face after I sang my song.

“The words are perfect and you have managed to sum up exactly the way I feel about Marc.

“How did we not know you could sing after knowing you for over 3 years? Your voice is wonderful.”

“Thanks Vero, Sidney did not even know I could sing until a few months ago when he caught me out by the pool with my guitar. It is not something I tend to make common knowledge but it is something I enjoy very much.”

“Gill, would you be able to sing a specific song for me?” I heard Sara asking as she approached Vero and I. Sara was Colby’s girlfriend but the broke up a few weeks ago and I know neither of them are happy but they are both still very close friends to us all.

“If I know the song Sara I will sing it for you.”

Its Tim McGraw ‘Like we Never Loved at all’, it reminds me of Colby and I want him to know how I am feeling.

Ok, go and sit down and I will sing, do you want me to get everyone’s attention and say it is for you?”

“No just start, he will know that it is meant for him. Thanks Gill, you are a star.”

Vero and Sara went and sat down and I started to play – the lyrics are as follows:

You never looked so good
As you did last night
Underneath those city lights
Then walking with your friend
Laughing at the moon
I swear you looked right through me
But I'm still living with your goodbyes
And you're just going on with your life

[chorus]
How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all

You, I hear you're doing fine
Seems like you're doing well
As far as I can tell
Time is leaving us behind
Another week has passed
And still I haven't laughed yet
So tell me what your secret is
Just to let it go let it go like you did, like you did

[chorus]
How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all

Did you forget the magic…
Did you forget the passion…?
Did you ever miss me…?
Ever long to kiss me…?

[chorus]
How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all

I looked up to see Colby leave the room and wipe away what looked like tears, I put the guitar down a followed Colby through to the kitchen to find him sitting alone with his head in his hands.

I took his hand and led him to the out house at the bottom of the garden, it is fully heated and quite comfortable to sit in on a nice evening. It has a glass roof as I love looking at the stars.

“Lets look at the stars for a while Colby, get away from all the hustle and bustle of the house.”

We sat out looking at stars from the out house, as we sat on the sofa I let him hold me and cry for as long as he needed too. I trusted him 100% and I knew that Sidney did too.

He curled himself up into a ball on the sofa and put his head on my legs and sobbing uncontrollably.

“I am sorry if I made things worse for you Colby by singing that song, if I knew it would this affect on you I would never have agreed to sing it…

“The thing is Colby sometimes things are to hard to handle, when Paul died I thought my whole world was going to end and everything that happened made me hurt even more and no matter what people said to me I could not see how I could possibly be happy again.

“When I moved here things were still hard, I was so annoyed with myself for falling for Sidney, I felt like I was betraying Paul and when Sidney rejected me things just went from bad to worse…

“I realised one morning that I could not wait around for other people to make me happy, that the only person that could do anything about it was me…

“I guess what I am trying to say Colby is that the only person that can take away the pain you are feeling just now is you.

“How do you feel when you look at Sara?” I asked him hoping that he would stop crying long enough to talk to me. Eventually after a long silence I got an answer.

“When I look at Sara it is like nothing else matters, like we are the only 2 people in the whole world. When I go home at night and I lie alone in bed and all I can do is cry, I feel like there is this big gap in my heart where Sara used to fill, I am empty and hurting like I have never hurt before and I don’t know how to make the feeling go away.

“I have to look like I am carrying on with my life when she is about, she broke it off with me and I don’t want her to see that she has broken my heart, I can’t look weak to her.”

He sat up and looked at me in the eye, his eyes red and blood shot from crying so hard. He looked like a lost little boy and I just wanted to take his pain away.

“Gill, I used to think that hockey was the most important thing in my life but since Sara broke up with me I have realised that is not the case, I would walk away from hockey if it meant that I could have Sara back in my life – if I could hear her tell me she loves me just one more time, if I could hold her in my arms and know that everything will be ok as long as long as we are together.”

Looking deep into Colby’s eyes so that he knew that what I was saying was coming straight from my heart I said to him, “Colby, when Paul died I would have given anything to have him back in my life but there was nothing I could do, the difference here is that Sara is only a few feet away and is still alive and kicking.

“I know she hurt you when she broke it off with you but you still have the chance to make things right. You can’t let your pride get in the way of what you really want. Talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel, tell her what you have told me here tonight. I can’t promise you will hear what you want but believe me when I say that it will help a lot to get this of your chest.

“Why don’t you go back into the house and go for a lie down in the spare room, you can stay here tonight and I really think you should go and talk to Sara in the morning.”

“Thanks Gill, I really don’t know what I would do without you. Can you do me one favour before I go to bed if Sara is still here?”

“What can I do Colby?” I asked wiping his uncontrollable tears from his cheeks.

“Can you sing a song from me this time, can you sing Bryan Adams ‘Please Forgive Me’

I smiled at him and told him I would only sing if he promised that he would then go up to bed.

“I promise Gill and thank you again for everything tonight. Sidney is one lucky guy and I am so glad to be closer to you both.”

We went back inside and I sat down with me guitar and started signing for the third time this evening. The words were as follows:

Still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss, its getting better baby
No one can better this...
Still holding on, you’re still the one
First time our eyes met, same feeling I get
Only feels much stronger, want to love you longer
You still turn the fire on...
So if you’re feeling lonely don’t
You’re the only one I ever want
I only want to make it good
So if I love you a little more than I should

Please forgive me, I know not what I do...
..I cant stop loving you
Don’t deny me this pain I’m going through...
...if I need you like I do
Please believe me every word I say is true...
...our best times are together...
...touch, still getting closer baby
Cant get close enough...
Still holding on, still number one

I remember the smell of your skin...everything
...all your moves...you, yeah!
...the nights you know I still do...
...one thing I’m sure of is the way we make love
And one thing I depend on is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath I’m praying
That’s why I’m saying...
...never leave me I don’t know what Id do...

As I finished I saw Colby leave the room, I hope he is going to be ok, I know Sara still loves him, I hope she can find it in her heart to let him back in.

An hour or so later everyone left apart from Sara,

“Gill, can I stay here tonight, I really don’t want to be alone tonight and I don’t know where else to go?”

“You are more than welcome to stay Sara but you do realise that Colby is asleep in one of the spare rooms?” I asked while searching for any hint of emotion in her eyes.

“I thought he might be, I promise I wont let him know that I am here and I will respect his privacy, I will either be gone by the time he gets up or will stay in my room until he has left. Do the guys have practice tomorrow?”

“No they have a day off tomorrow before we leave for training camp the following day. Sara, just do me one favor? When Colby is ready to talk please listen to what he has to say.”

We said our good nights and Sidney and I headed to bed. I looked in on Colby on my way past the room he had chosen to sleep in, he was still awake lying on the covers so I went into him.

“Come on Colby let’s get you in to bed.” I sat him up and pulled his t-shirt over his head.

“Stand up mister and lets get these jeans off you too.”

He did what I asked without saying a word. I unbuttoned his jeans and let them fall to the ground, he stepped out of them and I took this opportunity to pull the covers back on the bed. He got in and I pulled the covers up around him and stroked his browny blonde curly hair.

“Try and get some sleep Colby, I will sit here with you until you doze off and we are just down the corridor if you need us during the night. There is no hurry to get up in the morning and when you do I will make you something nice for breakfast and if you need to talk some more then you can. He closed his eyes and soon drifted off to sleep so I quietly left the room and went to my own bed.

“Hey honey, it’s been a long night, are you ok?” Sidney asks as I curl up next to him.

“Yeah, I am fine thanks Sidney I am just so worried about Colby he is not dealing with this break up at all. You should have seen the pain in his eyes when he was talking about things, he wouldn’t even go to bed, he was just lying on the covers crying and crying. I eventually had to undress him and get him into bed so I sat with him until he exhausted himself and fell asleep.”

We sat talking for a little while longer when I too eventually fell asleep.