Chapter 14

Beep, beep, beep… I opened my eyes wondering what I was hearing and realised I had fallen asleep and was still cuddling Sidney. Beep, beep, beep… what was that incessant noise?? Suddenly I realised.

“Sidney, wake up, the alarm is beeping and we need to get to the airport, we have not even had breakfast yet”.

“Gill, calm down, we still have plenty of time, if we miss the flight we will get the next one, come back down here and cuddle in, we can go back to sleep for a while.”

He talked to me without even opening his eyes and he still sounds so sleepy.

“No Sidney, get up, if we do not get back for training in time all we are going to do is initiate rumours and the press with have a field day, I am going for a shower, please be up by the time I am finished”.

I wonder back through to the bedroom still wrapped in my towel and find that Sidney is still asleep on my bed. I sat down beside him for a few moments playing with his curls and thinking again about how much I want to be with him. I lean down and gently kiss his forehead, as I sit back up I see him open his eyes still looking very sleepy. I move to get up and once again I feel his hand on my arm. I want to turn and kiss him but I know I cant so I just say to him without looking at him:

“Please don’t make this any harder than it is Sidney, I know that we are not going to be anymore than friends and I will get used to that it may just take some time. Please get up or we are going to be late. I would like to get some breakfast before we leave.”

I went and got changed and dried my hair and by the time I had done that Sidney had showered, dressed and was all packed up ready to go. His hair was still wet and his curls lay loosely. He had on a white t-shirt which showed his shape just nicely and a pair of jeans that fitted in all the right places, he looked stunning. I kept having to remind myself that I had just told him that I was accepting the fact that we would only be friends – why on earth was it so difficult for me to actually come to terms with it??

He apologised for upsetting me and I told him not to worry everything was fine although I am sure he could see that it far from being fine. I know he is doing nothing wrong but I want to blame him for the way I am feeling, if only it was as easy as that to blame someone for falling in love, even I could not control it…!

We went down for breakfast and then went to check out, Sidney paid for everything and would not hear of it any other way. We headed to the airport and made it to check in just in time.

As we were flying home, I lay my head on Sidney’s shoulder and said:

“I am sorry for making things so difficult Sidney, you are one of my best friends but I made the mistake of falling in love with you.

“As of this morning after watching you sleep I decided that I am not going to pursue my feelings for you anymore, I am not promising that I will be able to forget my feelings by tomorrow or the next day but I will get over you eventually and we can carry on as being friends. I just want you to know that I am here for you know matter what, as a trainer, a physiotherapist and as your friend. I hope that you don’t think any less of me because of what has happened and how I feel for you.”

“Gill, I respect you for your honesty and the way you have handled your feelings, I know I have not exactly helped matters but I did not mean to hurt you. I do love you Gill, I know that, and maybe once I stop being so scared I will allow myself to be with you but yes in the meantime we can spend time together as friends and take it from there. I know me telling you I love you too may make it harder for you, that is not why I am telling you and I don’t for one minute expect you to put everything on hold and wait for me to be ready but you do deserve me to be honest with you, we will get through this. I want you to be happy”.

That was the last of the conversation for the rest of the journey. I could not find the right words to say.