Chapter 57

I have not been feeling to well recently but I think it is probably from being away for so long, the next few days passed my period failed to arrive. I put it down to the bug that I was carrying about.

Another few days passed and still no period so I thought I better not leave it any longer. I did a test and it proved my suspicions, I was pregnant. I spoke to the team doctor and he took a blood test and confirmed that indeed I was pregnant.

The week carried on and Sidney and I were back at work and for some reason I could not find the right time to tell Sidney the news. We have previously spoken about having children but not yet, we have only been married a few months and we both still have such great careers, how can I play hockey and travel with the team when I am pregnant or I have a young child but I have always wanted to be a Mum, I don’t want to lose this child but I also don’t want to lose Sidney.

“Gill, I think we need to talk.” Sidney stated after we got home from the Mellon after a tiring training session.

“You have been so distant with me the last couple of weeks, are you not happy anymore, have I done something to upset you? Please talk to me Gill, I am worried about you… about us.”

“Sidney, come and sit next to me, there is something I need to tell you.” I said as tears started rolling down my face which I seemed completely unable to control.

“Gill, what is going on, I am so scared.”

“Sidney, I have been keeping a secret from you the past week and I don’t know why I have been finding it so difficult to tell you…

“Do you remember we discussed one day having children?” I asked searching his eyes for an answer.

“Yes Gill, we have spoken about it a few times and I can’t wait until the day we decide that the time is right.”

I looked away from him and felt my hot tears roll down my face faster as each moment passed.

“Sidney, you know how I have not been feeling well since we came back from Scotland?” I carried on without giving him a chance to answer. “Well it is not a bug or the change in times from being in Scotland like we thought… I am pregnant. I went to see the team doctor and he confirmed the home test. It looks like I conceived the night of Scott and Rhonas wedding.”

I continued to look at the floor as I waited for Sidney to say something, when he didn’t I guessed it was still me that should be talking.

“I am so sorry for keeping this from you. I understand if you are annoyed with me because of that and I know the timing is not ideal but I want this baby Sidney, I cant get rid of it.”

At that point I turned and looked him in the eye looking for some sort of emotion, some reaction that I could hold onto.

“I love you Sidney and I hope you can forgive me for keeping this huge secret from you and I hope you will still love me and will eventually be happy that you are going to be a dad in about 7 months. I can’t lose you Sidney but I also cant give up this child.”

“Oh Gill, I could never not love you, you are my everything. I admit that I did not think we would be having a child for another year or so yet but I would never ask you to terminate the pregnancy, I know how much you want this and how much it means to you. I want this child too Gill, everything is going to be ok.

“Gill, we are bringing a child into the world and we have each other and all the love we could possibly need, you should be smiling and shouting our news from the roof tops, not sitting in my arms crying.

“Please smile honey, I am over the moon with the news. I love you and you little person” he says while talking to my stomach “are going to be the happiest, most loved child in the world.”