I stood outside the room where everyone was waiting unable to bring myself to open the door. I noticed Nurse Margaret walking towards me so I waited to tell her the Paul drank all of his milk. She was pleased that I had gotten on so well.
“I know it is hard for you to go in there but they are your friends, they want to help you through this hard time. You need to let them in.”
I smiled and took a deep breath gently pushing the door open.
Everyone just stared at me I handed Paul to Fiona and broke down again. I sat on the floor holding my knees to my chest rocking back and forth, burning hot tears streaming down my cheeks.
To my surprise it was Andy that came to my rescue.
He sat down on the floor beside me and rubbed my back as Colby had done only a few hours before.
“I know it is hard Sidney, you have lost the love of your life, I have lost my little sister, mum and dad have lost their daughter and all of us in this room have lost our best friend but right now this little boy”, he held his arms out to his mum who placed little Paul close to his chest, “needs us to look after him, he needs you especially to be strong for him.
“We will not let you struggle Sidney, we are all here to help you and will be there for you every step of the way.
“Gill is watching down on us all and smiling, she loves you. It will be ok.”
He continued to rub my back and let me get everything out of my system.
“I need to phone my agent, we need to release a press statement, probably have a press conference and let the world know what has happened.
“Fiona, Dave, Andy are you all ok with that?” I asked suddenly realising there was so much to do.
“If you think it is the right thing to do Sidney then yes it is ok with us.” Fiona answers.
I turned to leave the room with Paul to make some calls when suddenly I remembered,
“Can some please call Sara before this goes public, I don’t want her to find out by watching the TV?”
I didn’t wait for an answer, I knew someone would phone everyone including all Gills friends and family in Scotland, they are going to be devastated.
I spoke to my mum and dad on the phone and they said they would be there shortly, they had managed to catch an earlier flight.
Friday, 19 December 2008
Tuesday, 16 December 2008
Chapter 68
We all stood up desperate to hear what the doctor had to say. I could see from the look on his face that it was not good news.
“I am sorry but unfortunately Gillian passed away a few moments ago, we did everything we could…”
I didn’t hear anymore of what the doctor said, I found my knees buckling again and thankfully there was a chair to catch my fall, I put my head in my hands and cried.
I have no idea how long I was like that for when I heard the door to the room opening and the nurse coming in.
“I know this is hard Mr Crosby but your son needs to eat, we have made up a formula bottle, would you like to try to give it to him?” She spoke to me softly, her tone comforting.
When I looked around the room I noticed everyone was gone.
“Where is everyone?” I asked still sobbing.
“Everyone is the waiting room where you saw the team. They would all like to see you but wanted to give you your space.
“Why don’t you try to feed little Paul and I will go and tell everyone that you will be along in about half an hour. Would you like something to eat?”
I shook my head no, “Thank you any way, you have been so kind, what is your name?”
“My name is Margaret.” She smiled at me and handed me the bottle and left the room.
I gently picked up Paul and tempted him with the warm bottle, to my surprise he took it first time and seemed to enjoy it. I even managed to burp him first time, I was so proud of myself.
I slowly sat up and prepared myself to go and see everyone, trying to unsuccessfully make the constant flow of tears stop. I just felt so empty, now I can understand how Gill felt when she lost her husband Paul.
“I am sorry but unfortunately Gillian passed away a few moments ago, we did everything we could…”
I didn’t hear anymore of what the doctor said, I found my knees buckling again and thankfully there was a chair to catch my fall, I put my head in my hands and cried.
I have no idea how long I was like that for when I heard the door to the room opening and the nurse coming in.
“I know this is hard Mr Crosby but your son needs to eat, we have made up a formula bottle, would you like to try to give it to him?” She spoke to me softly, her tone comforting.
When I looked around the room I noticed everyone was gone.
“Where is everyone?” I asked still sobbing.
“Everyone is the waiting room where you saw the team. They would all like to see you but wanted to give you your space.
“Why don’t you try to feed little Paul and I will go and tell everyone that you will be along in about half an hour. Would you like something to eat?”
I shook my head no, “Thank you any way, you have been so kind, what is your name?”
“My name is Margaret.” She smiled at me and handed me the bottle and left the room.
I gently picked up Paul and tempted him with the warm bottle, to my surprise he took it first time and seemed to enjoy it. I even managed to burp him first time, I was so proud of myself.
I slowly sat up and prepared myself to go and see everyone, trying to unsuccessfully make the constant flow of tears stop. I just felt so empty, now I can understand how Gill felt when she lost her husband Paul.
Tuesday, 9 December 2008
Chapter 67
We headed along to see everyone and I don’t think I have ever seen the whole team cry other than when we won the Stanley Cup. Although there was tears of happiness there were still many tears of worry – we still don’t know what is going on with Gill.
“Oh Sidney, your baby is gorgeous.” Vero exclaims as she makes her way over to me.
“Thank you Vero, I want you all to meet Paul Patrick Crosby.” I tell the room as I hand him over to Vero for a cuddle.
“How is Gill?” I hear Tyler ask quietly from the back of the room, his brown eyes glazed over with tears, his jaw clenched tightly.
“The doctors are still working on her as soon as I have news I will let you know.”
We all sat in silence for about an hour before we headed back to the other room with baby Paul.
While we were still sitting with everyone I did something I have not done in far to long, I prayed but I not only to God, I prayed also to Paul, Gills husband who I know watches down on Gill everyday and I asked him to help Gill fight, to help her get through this and if he couldn’t help if he could look after her for me.
“Sid, I will stay with the guys and give you all some space,” I hear Colby say as we left the room.
“No Colby, please come with us, please…” I was almost pleading with him, I needed him with me. He has been my best friend since the day I met him and he is my rock. I can’t face this without his support.
I placed Paul down in the little cot that the nurse had made for him. I watched him sleep, his chest rising and falling as he breathed, his little hands resting on his stomach. He was completely at peace. I hope he gets to meet his mum.
I heard a faint knock at the door and the Dr Jamieson entered…
“Oh Sidney, your baby is gorgeous.” Vero exclaims as she makes her way over to me.
“Thank you Vero, I want you all to meet Paul Patrick Crosby.” I tell the room as I hand him over to Vero for a cuddle.
“How is Gill?” I hear Tyler ask quietly from the back of the room, his brown eyes glazed over with tears, his jaw clenched tightly.
“The doctors are still working on her as soon as I have news I will let you know.”
We all sat in silence for about an hour before we headed back to the other room with baby Paul.
While we were still sitting with everyone I did something I have not done in far to long, I prayed but I not only to God, I prayed also to Paul, Gills husband who I know watches down on Gill everyday and I asked him to help Gill fight, to help her get through this and if he couldn’t help if he could look after her for me.
“Sid, I will stay with the guys and give you all some space,” I hear Colby say as we left the room.
“No Colby, please come with us, please…” I was almost pleading with him, I needed him with me. He has been my best friend since the day I met him and he is my rock. I can’t face this without his support.
I placed Paul down in the little cot that the nurse had made for him. I watched him sleep, his chest rising and falling as he breathed, his little hands resting on his stomach. He was completely at peace. I hope he gets to meet his mum.
I heard a faint knock at the door and the Dr Jamieson entered…
Monday, 8 December 2008
A BIG Thank You.
I want to put a big thank you out to Stehanie over at Hockey for the Ladies as she did me a massive favour. She sent me over the Penguins 3rd strip as it is impossible to buy NHL tops in Scotland. She is a star and I am forever grateful to her.
Remember to keep an eye on Stephanies great site everyone.
If I can also take this opertunity to thank everyone for their lovely comments on my story and I will try and post again tomorrow or Wednesday at the latest.
Thanks everyone and if you have any suggestions or if you would like anything changed please contact me.
Take care xx
Remember to keep an eye on Stephanies great site everyone.
If I can also take this opertunity to thank everyone for their lovely comments on my story and I will try and post again tomorrow or Wednesday at the latest.
Thanks everyone and if you have any suggestions or if you would like anything changed please contact me.
Take care xx
Wednesday, 3 December 2008
Chapter 66
I sat back down staring into space afraid to let the tears fall in case they did not stop.
We are in a private hospital so we have managed to keep the press away, for the moment they don’t know anything and I plan to keep it that way for as long as possible.
A nurse came and told us a few moments ago that the entire team and their partners were sitting in a family waiting room just down the hall and that my parents were catching the first flight over and will be here early tomorrow.
An hour later a female nurse looking to be in her late forties came out still wearing her green scrubs holding a little baby who was crying just ever so slightly.
I stood up and she handed me the child who was wrapped in a warm white blanket. “Mr Crosby, I would like to introduce you to your beautiful baby boy.”
I was unable to contain my tears any longer as they rolled down my face and as I looked around everyone I noticed that Gill’s family and Colby were also crying.
“If you will just follow me in to this room over here we can get the little guy cleaned up and then you can take him to see your friends. The doctors are still working on Gillian and as soon as they know anything more they will come and tell you.”
The nurse spoke softly and with a lot of emotion, she reminded me of an old fashioned nurse, someone who takes time out to make sure her patients are ok. She turned on her heals and we all followed her into a small room where she took my baby and cleaned him up. I watched her intently paying close attention to everything she was doing, no one in the room finding the right words to say, tears still steaming from all of our eyes.
When the nurse was done she went to hand me my baby back but I asked Fiona if she wanted to take him, she took him and held him so closely sobbing uncontrollably. She handed him to Dave who only held him for a moment and Andy just turned away finding it to hard to deal with until he knew what was happening with his little sister.
Army had a little cuddle, I was surprised at how good he was with him and eventually he gave him back to me.
I sat for a moment with my baby in my arms, taking in everything about him. His blue eyes shining just like his mum’s, his light brown curly hair reminding me of what mine had been like for so many years before turning dark. His tiny fingers wrapping themselves around one of my fingers, still tears poured from my eyes. He is gorgeous.
“Gill and I had discussed names and decided on what he would be called if he was a boy and just as well he is a boy because we could not decide on girls names.
“I would like to introduce you all to Paul Patrick Crosby.”
I looked around everyone to see a small smile form on everyone faces knowing that we had named our baby after Gill’s first husband.
“Nurse, do you mind if I take him along to meet the rest of the team now?” I asked quietly.
“Of course not Mr Crosby, just remember to keep him warm and bring him back here when you are ready.”
“Thank you”.
We are in a private hospital so we have managed to keep the press away, for the moment they don’t know anything and I plan to keep it that way for as long as possible.
A nurse came and told us a few moments ago that the entire team and their partners were sitting in a family waiting room just down the hall and that my parents were catching the first flight over and will be here early tomorrow.
An hour later a female nurse looking to be in her late forties came out still wearing her green scrubs holding a little baby who was crying just ever so slightly.
I stood up and she handed me the child who was wrapped in a warm white blanket. “Mr Crosby, I would like to introduce you to your beautiful baby boy.”
I was unable to contain my tears any longer as they rolled down my face and as I looked around everyone I noticed that Gill’s family and Colby were also crying.
“If you will just follow me in to this room over here we can get the little guy cleaned up and then you can take him to see your friends. The doctors are still working on Gillian and as soon as they know anything more they will come and tell you.”
The nurse spoke softly and with a lot of emotion, she reminded me of an old fashioned nurse, someone who takes time out to make sure her patients are ok. She turned on her heals and we all followed her into a small room where she took my baby and cleaned him up. I watched her intently paying close attention to everything she was doing, no one in the room finding the right words to say, tears still steaming from all of our eyes.
When the nurse was done she went to hand me my baby back but I asked Fiona if she wanted to take him, she took him and held him so closely sobbing uncontrollably. She handed him to Dave who only held him for a moment and Andy just turned away finding it to hard to deal with until he knew what was happening with his little sister.
Army had a little cuddle, I was surprised at how good he was with him and eventually he gave him back to me.
I sat for a moment with my baby in my arms, taking in everything about him. His blue eyes shining just like his mum’s, his light brown curly hair reminding me of what mine had been like for so many years before turning dark. His tiny fingers wrapping themselves around one of my fingers, still tears poured from my eyes. He is gorgeous.
“Gill and I had discussed names and decided on what he would be called if he was a boy and just as well he is a boy because we could not decide on girls names.
“I would like to introduce you all to Paul Patrick Crosby.”
I looked around everyone to see a small smile form on everyone faces knowing that we had named our baby after Gill’s first husband.
“Nurse, do you mind if I take him along to meet the rest of the team now?” I asked quietly.
“Of course not Mr Crosby, just remember to keep him warm and bring him back here when you are ready.”
“Thank you”.
Friday, 28 November 2008
Chapter 65
I do not remember the journey from the arena to the hospital, first thing I do remember is a young male nurse escorting us down a corridor and asking us to take a seat.
I sat there for what felt like hours but was only actually about 10 minutes before Gills parents and brother arrived, the whole time Colby was rubbing my back like I was a little child but in a strange way it was comforting.
I got up and enveloped Gill’s mum, Fiona, in a big hug not knowing what to say to her, I could only imagine how she would be feeling.
“The nurse has told us that the doctor will be out to talk to us shortly. We have no idea what is going on or even what happened.”
We all sat in silence, Gill’s brother Andy, and dad Dave, both yet to say anything, they shook my hand when they came in but it must be so hard for them.
“Sid, that looks like it may be the doctor heading over,” Colby said nudging me in the arm.
We all stood up waiting for the doctor to tell us something… anything.
“I am sorry to have kept you all waiting, my name is Dr Jamieson and I have been looking after Gillian. She is in a critical condition at the moment and with your consent we are going to carry out an emergency section so that we can treat Gillian without harming the baby.
“The baby’s heart beat is still strong and we want to keep it that way so we think this is the best way forward for both mother and child. Mr Crosby, you are next of kin and also the father of the child in question, I am going to get the paperwork and will be back in a moment, you are under no obligation to sign but we believe it is in the best interest of your family.”
As he turned around I looked at Fiona who was crying uncontrollably, I held her and told her I think that I should allow the doctors to do whatever is needed but if she did not agree then I would accept her wishes.
“No Sidney, we need to do everything we can to save Gill and hopefully your child too and if that means her having a section then we need to do it.” She cried into my shoulder.
I turned to Dave and Andy and they both just nodded at me and went and sat down, I am really worried about them.
The doctor soon came back and I signed the documents giving them full consent to do what is necessary to safe my wife and child... I am so scared.
I sat there for what felt like hours but was only actually about 10 minutes before Gills parents and brother arrived, the whole time Colby was rubbing my back like I was a little child but in a strange way it was comforting.
I got up and enveloped Gill’s mum, Fiona, in a big hug not knowing what to say to her, I could only imagine how she would be feeling.
“The nurse has told us that the doctor will be out to talk to us shortly. We have no idea what is going on or even what happened.”
We all sat in silence, Gill’s brother Andy, and dad Dave, both yet to say anything, they shook my hand when they came in but it must be so hard for them.
“Sid, that looks like it may be the doctor heading over,” Colby said nudging me in the arm.
We all stood up waiting for the doctor to tell us something… anything.
“I am sorry to have kept you all waiting, my name is Dr Jamieson and I have been looking after Gillian. She is in a critical condition at the moment and with your consent we are going to carry out an emergency section so that we can treat Gillian without harming the baby.
“The baby’s heart beat is still strong and we want to keep it that way so we think this is the best way forward for both mother and child. Mr Crosby, you are next of kin and also the father of the child in question, I am going to get the paperwork and will be back in a moment, you are under no obligation to sign but we believe it is in the best interest of your family.”
As he turned around I looked at Fiona who was crying uncontrollably, I held her and told her I think that I should allow the doctors to do whatever is needed but if she did not agree then I would accept her wishes.
“No Sidney, we need to do everything we can to save Gill and hopefully your child too and if that means her having a section then we need to do it.” She cried into my shoulder.
I turned to Dave and Andy and they both just nodded at me and went and sat down, I am really worried about them.
The doctor soon came back and I signed the documents giving them full consent to do what is necessary to safe my wife and child... I am so scared.
Wednesday, 26 November 2008
Chapter 64
“Sid, can you come off the ice now please.” I heard Mario shouting at me from the edge of the rink.
“In a minute Mario, just let me finish this drill.” I shouted and turned to go back to what I was doing.
“SIDNEY I NEED YOU HERE NOW!!”
I skated off annoyed that Mario had interrupted training and could not believe he had the nerve to shout at me like that in front of the team, he knows how important things are just now especially when we don’t have Gill here keeping us in line.
“What is so important that it could not wait until after training Mario?” I snap at him when I notice 2 uniform policemen standing just behind him.
“Why are their police here?” I say to him feeling very confused and suddenly very scared.
“Mr Crosby, is there somewhere we can talk in private?” The first officer says to me sounding very serious.
“You can talk to me here, please tell me what is going on?”
“There has been an accident Mr Crosby, your wife has been airlifted in the hospital you need to get there immediately.”
I felt my knees buckle and suddenly someone was standing behind me holding me up. My mind was running at a thousand miles a minute.
“Gill, oh my God nooooooooo…. What about the baby? I need to see her now!!” I say to no one in particular. I go to walk away when I realise I still have my skates on and once again I just about fall over, again those arms hold me up from behind me. I quickly get to the dressing room not bothering to see who was helping me and change my shoes and grab my car keys.
“You will not be driving anywhere Sidney, I will take you and the police are going to escort us, apparently the weather is really bad.” I hear Colby saying as he to changes out of his skates. I find myself staring at him not really understanding what is going on.
“You and Gill have been what has held me together over the last few months it is now my turn to help you guys.” I can see Colby standing in front of me, his hands on my arms searching for some emotions in my eyes but to be honest I don’t feel anything, I just feel numb.
“I need to get to the hospital.” I answer as if something snaps me out of a daze and walk out the door.
The police were waiting for us at Colby’s car, I could not believe how bad the weather is, it looks like it has been snowing for a week, we had only be in the arena for about 2 hours and when we arrived it was a great day, the sun was shining brightly and I was happy, the season has been going great and in about 2 weeks I am going to be a dad. I really hope Gill and the baby are ok I can’t go on without her...!
“In a minute Mario, just let me finish this drill.” I shouted and turned to go back to what I was doing.
“SIDNEY I NEED YOU HERE NOW!!”
I skated off annoyed that Mario had interrupted training and could not believe he had the nerve to shout at me like that in front of the team, he knows how important things are just now especially when we don’t have Gill here keeping us in line.
“What is so important that it could not wait until after training Mario?” I snap at him when I notice 2 uniform policemen standing just behind him.
“Why are their police here?” I say to him feeling very confused and suddenly very scared.
“Mr Crosby, is there somewhere we can talk in private?” The first officer says to me sounding very serious.
“You can talk to me here, please tell me what is going on?”
“There has been an accident Mr Crosby, your wife has been airlifted in the hospital you need to get there immediately.”
I felt my knees buckle and suddenly someone was standing behind me holding me up. My mind was running at a thousand miles a minute.
“Gill, oh my God nooooooooo…. What about the baby? I need to see her now!!” I say to no one in particular. I go to walk away when I realise I still have my skates on and once again I just about fall over, again those arms hold me up from behind me. I quickly get to the dressing room not bothering to see who was helping me and change my shoes and grab my car keys.
“You will not be driving anywhere Sidney, I will take you and the police are going to escort us, apparently the weather is really bad.” I hear Colby saying as he to changes out of his skates. I find myself staring at him not really understanding what is going on.
“You and Gill have been what has held me together over the last few months it is now my turn to help you guys.” I can see Colby standing in front of me, his hands on my arms searching for some emotions in my eyes but to be honest I don’t feel anything, I just feel numb.
“I need to get to the hospital.” I answer as if something snaps me out of a daze and walk out the door.
The police were waiting for us at Colby’s car, I could not believe how bad the weather is, it looks like it has been snowing for a week, we had only be in the arena for about 2 hours and when we arrived it was a great day, the sun was shining brightly and I was happy, the season has been going great and in about 2 weeks I am going to be a dad. I really hope Gill and the baby are ok I can’t go on without her...!
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