If you are interest my new story has begun, you will find it at...
http://tylerkennedylovestory.blogspot.com/
Hope you all enjoy - let me know what you think.
Wednesday, 14 January 2009
Monday, 12 January 2009
I'm soooo excited...!!!
I just wanted to share my excitement with you all - I am coming to Pittsburgh on holiday and I am going to the Igloo!!! Hoping to go to the Flyers game and also the Flames game at the end of March and I cannot wait.
I still have to get game tickets and hotels booked so if any of you can help me then I will be forever indebted to you. I am also hoping to go to a practice session when I am there - does anyone know how do I find out when the practice is open?
I will be sure to post my pictures (if I can figure out how to do it) and will let you know all about my experiences in the Mellon Arena.
Anyway I just wanted to share that with you.
I will hopefully start posting my new fiction story by the end of the week or the start of next at the very latest. Again if anyone has any preferences about my story then please let me know.
Hope you are all well, take care girls.
I still have to get game tickets and hotels booked so if any of you can help me then I will be forever indebted to you. I am also hoping to go to a practice session when I am there - does anyone know how do I find out when the practice is open?
I will be sure to post my pictures (if I can figure out how to do it) and will let you know all about my experiences in the Mellon Arena.
Anyway I just wanted to share that with you.
I will hopefully start posting my new fiction story by the end of the week or the start of next at the very latest. Again if anyone has any preferences about my story then please let me know.
Hope you are all well, take care girls.
Thursday, 8 January 2009
Where to now?
So American Dream has come to an end... First of all I want to thank you all for your support throughout the story and for all your lovely comments. I hope you all liked it.
So the question is where would you like me to go now. I have many more stories in the pipeline and my brain never stops thinking up new ideas so I would like your help on what you would like to read next.
First of all I have a few more stories that have Gill as the main character and although they contain the Penguins Sidney is not necessarily the main male character.
I also have other Penguins related stories that do not included Gill.
Last choice is I have written a few short stories which usually are based on my interpretation of song lyrics that I like - something a wee bit different.
So what would you like? I would love to hear what you all think or if you have any other ideas of what I should write about or maybe you think I should not write anything else...? Good or bad all comments are welcome.
May I also take this oppertunity to wish you all a Happy New Year, I hope 2009 brings you lots of happiness.
I look forward to reading all your ideas and thank you all again, you have been great.
Take care!!
So the question is where would you like me to go now. I have many more stories in the pipeline and my brain never stops thinking up new ideas so I would like your help on what you would like to read next.
First of all I have a few more stories that have Gill as the main character and although they contain the Penguins Sidney is not necessarily the main male character.
I also have other Penguins related stories that do not included Gill.
Last choice is I have written a few short stories which usually are based on my interpretation of song lyrics that I like - something a wee bit different.
So what would you like? I would love to hear what you all think or if you have any other ideas of what I should write about or maybe you think I should not write anything else...? Good or bad all comments are welcome.
May I also take this oppertunity to wish you all a Happy New Year, I hope 2009 brings you lots of happiness.
I look forward to reading all your ideas and thank you all again, you have been great.
Take care!!
Wednesday, 7 January 2009
Chapter 72
I went home that night and slept properly for the first time since Gill passed away.
I don’t know what lies ahead for Paul and I but I know that we have each other and all the love we could ever need. We will get through this together, taking each day at a time. I know we will be alright in the end and Paul will make his mum and I proud no matter what…………
THE END!!!
I don’t know what lies ahead for Paul and I but I know that we have each other and all the love we could ever need. We will get through this together, taking each day at a time. I know we will be alright in the end and Paul will make his mum and I proud no matter what…………
THE END!!!
Chapter 71
Wednesday soon arrived and it was time to go to the funeral. I dressed myself in a black pin stripped suit the one that Gill always said was her favourite, a white shirt and a black silk tie.
I dressed Paul in a pair of little black trouser and a plain white t-shirt. I could not believe that a week after my son was born we were burying his mother. I have not even been married to her for a year.
I arrived at the church for the service and was astonished to see the amount of people there. Friends and family from Scotland and America gathered in the church with rows and rows of fans outside. As I sat down at the front Mario whispered to me that many of the NHL players were at the Mellon and would see me after the service. I was so touched that so many people wanted to come and pay their last respects to Gill.
The coffin sat closed at the top of the church, the varnished wood and polished gold shining under the light. We sat a framed picture of Gill on top which had been taken a few years back at the All Star weekend in Vancouver, the one where I proposed to her. She was laughing in the picture, if I remember rightly she was laughing at Ozzy fooling about, that was a great weekend.
I miss her laugh, I miss her smile. I thought of all these good times that we had together when I looked at the picture of her.
The service was beautiful. I managed to keep my composure until the coffin was taken out of the church and then I broke down and cried and cried unable to hold all of the emotions back any longer.
Eventually I managed to get up and I went outside to thank everyone.
“Good afternoon everyone” I started talking to a microphone that had been set up for me as I stood in front of the hundreds of fans with tears still streaming from my eyes, normally I would have been ashamed to have been caught crying, especially on camera, crying is a sign of weakness but at the moment I am weak and I don’t know how I am going to find the strength to continue.
“I would just like to say a few words and these words go out to each and every one of you, if I could talk to you all individually believe me I would.
“Gill loved her fans and she would have done anything for each of you. I appreciate so very much that you have all travelled from afar to be here today to pay your respects.
“Thank you for respecting myself and our family and friends over the past week or so when we have been going through a difficult time.
“I wish you all a safe journey home and once again thank you. There is food and drinks being served in the main rink at the Mellon, please go and help yourself.
“Thank you and God bless.”
I made my way back to the players lounge at the arena where I knew everyone was waiting for me. I was still carrying Paul, not wanting to let go of him today, I needed my little boy to be close to me.
I took my time talking to each of the players from the NHL that had come today. There were at least a handful of players from each team in the league all here to pay their respects to Gill.
“Sidney, do you mind if I say something about Gill, make a little speech?” I heard Ozzy ask quietly while Paul held on to his finger.
“That would be nice Chris.”
Chris went up to the microphone which is normally used for conferences or team talks and got everyone’s attention.
“I am sorry to bother you all but I just wanted to say a little something about Gill.
“I first met her at the All Stars weekend a few years ago, the first year I spoke to her but not very much. I just remember thinking every time I saw her that she was so naturally beautiful and she did not even know it.
“A year later at the next All Stars weekend was the next time I saw her. This time she was taking part a lot more and getting involved with training everyone. I thought to myself when I seen her that somehow in a year she had become more beautiful and she was so happy. Seeing her and Sidney together was so inspiring, the love they shared for each other was so strong and if my memory serves me right that was the year that Sid proposed.
“We were doing all the trick shots on the Sunday when somehow Jordan Staal managed to convince Gill to have a shot and no one could believe how good she was. She scored 6 goals against me out of 10 shots and I was so embarrassed that I had been out played by a girl!!
“We all presented her with a gold necklace that day and hanging from it was a hockey stick pendant. We were all so proud of the present we had found for her and I remember her telling me recently that she wore it everyday, it was one of her most prized possessions.
“The team were in Detroit not so long ago and I was talking to Gill about some personal problems I was having. She told me to follow my heart and my biggest aim in life should be to make sure that my dreams came true.
“She was a great believer that fate played its hand in everything that we do, everything happens for a reason. So far I am yet to find the reason why Gill has been taken away from us but I do know that she will be watching us all and will continue to help us along the way.
“She touched my heart in away no one has managed before. She was a very good friend of mine and I knew that she was always there for me. She was a very special person and will remain in my heart for ever more.
“Sidney, we are all here for you, I know we cant take the pain away but let us share it with you and make sure that little baby of yours knows how much his mum was loved.”
Chris turned to me and looked at me with a tear soaked eyes, I handed him Paul and wiped away his tears and nodded at him, I just could not find that right words to say.
For the next couple of hours everyone spoke about their own memories of Gill, some funny stories came out, some sad stories but everyone had so many memories of their time with her be it short lived or not.
Eventually I guessed it was my turn before I took Paul home to his bed.
“I don’t know what to say guys, today has really helped me and it will remain in my memory forever.
“I could tell so many stories about Gill but I would not know where to start.
“Gill has touched all our hearts in so many different ways and she will remain in all of our hearts forever more.
“I want to thank you all for coming here today, many of you have travelled far, I hope you all know how much myself and my family appreciate you being here. You are all welcome to visit myself and Paul anytime you are in the area.
“Thanks again and good night.”
I dressed Paul in a pair of little black trouser and a plain white t-shirt. I could not believe that a week after my son was born we were burying his mother. I have not even been married to her for a year.
I arrived at the church for the service and was astonished to see the amount of people there. Friends and family from Scotland and America gathered in the church with rows and rows of fans outside. As I sat down at the front Mario whispered to me that many of the NHL players were at the Mellon and would see me after the service. I was so touched that so many people wanted to come and pay their last respects to Gill.
The coffin sat closed at the top of the church, the varnished wood and polished gold shining under the light. We sat a framed picture of Gill on top which had been taken a few years back at the All Star weekend in Vancouver, the one where I proposed to her. She was laughing in the picture, if I remember rightly she was laughing at Ozzy fooling about, that was a great weekend.
I miss her laugh, I miss her smile. I thought of all these good times that we had together when I looked at the picture of her.
The service was beautiful. I managed to keep my composure until the coffin was taken out of the church and then I broke down and cried and cried unable to hold all of the emotions back any longer.
Eventually I managed to get up and I went outside to thank everyone.
“Good afternoon everyone” I started talking to a microphone that had been set up for me as I stood in front of the hundreds of fans with tears still streaming from my eyes, normally I would have been ashamed to have been caught crying, especially on camera, crying is a sign of weakness but at the moment I am weak and I don’t know how I am going to find the strength to continue.
“I would just like to say a few words and these words go out to each and every one of you, if I could talk to you all individually believe me I would.
“Gill loved her fans and she would have done anything for each of you. I appreciate so very much that you have all travelled from afar to be here today to pay your respects.
“Thank you for respecting myself and our family and friends over the past week or so when we have been going through a difficult time.
“I wish you all a safe journey home and once again thank you. There is food and drinks being served in the main rink at the Mellon, please go and help yourself.
“Thank you and God bless.”
I made my way back to the players lounge at the arena where I knew everyone was waiting for me. I was still carrying Paul, not wanting to let go of him today, I needed my little boy to be close to me.
I took my time talking to each of the players from the NHL that had come today. There were at least a handful of players from each team in the league all here to pay their respects to Gill.
“Sidney, do you mind if I say something about Gill, make a little speech?” I heard Ozzy ask quietly while Paul held on to his finger.
“That would be nice Chris.”
Chris went up to the microphone which is normally used for conferences or team talks and got everyone’s attention.
“I am sorry to bother you all but I just wanted to say a little something about Gill.
“I first met her at the All Stars weekend a few years ago, the first year I spoke to her but not very much. I just remember thinking every time I saw her that she was so naturally beautiful and she did not even know it.
“A year later at the next All Stars weekend was the next time I saw her. This time she was taking part a lot more and getting involved with training everyone. I thought to myself when I seen her that somehow in a year she had become more beautiful and she was so happy. Seeing her and Sidney together was so inspiring, the love they shared for each other was so strong and if my memory serves me right that was the year that Sid proposed.
“We were doing all the trick shots on the Sunday when somehow Jordan Staal managed to convince Gill to have a shot and no one could believe how good she was. She scored 6 goals against me out of 10 shots and I was so embarrassed that I had been out played by a girl!!
“We all presented her with a gold necklace that day and hanging from it was a hockey stick pendant. We were all so proud of the present we had found for her and I remember her telling me recently that she wore it everyday, it was one of her most prized possessions.
“The team were in Detroit not so long ago and I was talking to Gill about some personal problems I was having. She told me to follow my heart and my biggest aim in life should be to make sure that my dreams came true.
“She was a great believer that fate played its hand in everything that we do, everything happens for a reason. So far I am yet to find the reason why Gill has been taken away from us but I do know that she will be watching us all and will continue to help us along the way.
“She touched my heart in away no one has managed before. She was a very good friend of mine and I knew that she was always there for me. She was a very special person and will remain in my heart for ever more.
“Sidney, we are all here for you, I know we cant take the pain away but let us share it with you and make sure that little baby of yours knows how much his mum was loved.”
Chris turned to me and looked at me with a tear soaked eyes, I handed him Paul and wiped away his tears and nodded at him, I just could not find that right words to say.
For the next couple of hours everyone spoke about their own memories of Gill, some funny stories came out, some sad stories but everyone had so many memories of their time with her be it short lived or not.
Eventually I guessed it was my turn before I took Paul home to his bed.
“I don’t know what to say guys, today has really helped me and it will remain in my memory forever.
“I could tell so many stories about Gill but I would not know where to start.
“Gill has touched all our hearts in so many different ways and she will remain in all of our hearts forever more.
“I want to thank you all for coming here today, many of you have travelled far, I hope you all know how much myself and my family appreciate you being here. You are all welcome to visit myself and Paul anytime you are in the area.
“Thanks again and good night.”
Chapter 70
The press conference went live the next morning across America and Canada and no doubt all over the internet also.
I took Paul home and was actually glad to have some time by myself although it was strange being in the house without Gill.
Before the press conference started I contact the police to find out what had actually happened and they explained about the lorry skidding in the snow and smacking into the drivers side of the car.
I was never allowed to see Gills body because she was in such a bad way, I am quite glad that the doctors said no although I was annoyed at the time, I don’t want that to be the way I see Gill when I close my eyes, I want to see her beautiful happy face smiling back at me.
It was decided between Gill’s family and I that we would leave the funeral open to the public, Gill loved spending time with her fans and she always took time out for them so she would not be happy if we closed the doors on them.
I held Paul in my arms while watching the TV when the news started showing a replay of the press conference. I felt tears run down my face again.
“The NHL has announced that all games tonight and tomorrow will be postponed in memory of Gill Crosby. A minute silence will be held at all games on Friday and Saturday and again all games are cancelled on Wednesday of next week to accommodate those players that would like to attend Gills funeral. These will be rescheduled for the end of the season.
“Gill was a wonderful person and a great asset to the NHL, her memory will live on amongst us all.
“We go live to Joe Smart who is talking to fans who have gathered outside the Mellon Arena. Our thoughts are with the friends and family of Gill, God bless you all.”
The news story was very moving but very surreal, it was like this was happening to someone else, like I was in a dream and I would wake up at any moment and Gill would be lying beside me complaining her bump was too big and she couldn’t wait until the baby was born.
Don’t get me wrong I know that Gill is dead I know that she is not coming back to me but sometimes it just feels easier to think that Gill has just gone away for a little while and will be home soon.
I spent the next few days with family and friends, Kirsty and Geno have been a great help with little Paul.
I took Paul home and was actually glad to have some time by myself although it was strange being in the house without Gill.
Before the press conference started I contact the police to find out what had actually happened and they explained about the lorry skidding in the snow and smacking into the drivers side of the car.
I was never allowed to see Gills body because she was in such a bad way, I am quite glad that the doctors said no although I was annoyed at the time, I don’t want that to be the way I see Gill when I close my eyes, I want to see her beautiful happy face smiling back at me.
It was decided between Gill’s family and I that we would leave the funeral open to the public, Gill loved spending time with her fans and she always took time out for them so she would not be happy if we closed the doors on them.
I held Paul in my arms while watching the TV when the news started showing a replay of the press conference. I felt tears run down my face again.
“The NHL has announced that all games tonight and tomorrow will be postponed in memory of Gill Crosby. A minute silence will be held at all games on Friday and Saturday and again all games are cancelled on Wednesday of next week to accommodate those players that would like to attend Gills funeral. These will be rescheduled for the end of the season.
“Gill was a wonderful person and a great asset to the NHL, her memory will live on amongst us all.
“We go live to Joe Smart who is talking to fans who have gathered outside the Mellon Arena. Our thoughts are with the friends and family of Gill, God bless you all.”
The news story was very moving but very surreal, it was like this was happening to someone else, like I was in a dream and I would wake up at any moment and Gill would be lying beside me complaining her bump was too big and she couldn’t wait until the baby was born.
Don’t get me wrong I know that Gill is dead I know that she is not coming back to me but sometimes it just feels easier to think that Gill has just gone away for a little while and will be home soon.
I spent the next few days with family and friends, Kirsty and Geno have been a great help with little Paul.
Wednesday, 24 December 2008
Merry Christmas
I just want to take a moment to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year.
I will have a very busy festive period with visiting family and celebrating my Dads birthday and such like so there will be no more story until 2009 and then I have a few questions to ask you all.
Take care everyone, love to you all and your families. Christmas is a big deal to me and my family so I wish to send all my best wishes to each and everyone of you.
All the best and I will talk to you all in 2009.
MERRY CHRISTMAS - HOPE SANTA IS GOOD TO YOU ALL!!!!
XXXX
I will have a very busy festive period with visiting family and celebrating my Dads birthday and such like so there will be no more story until 2009 and then I have a few questions to ask you all.
Take care everyone, love to you all and your families. Christmas is a big deal to me and my family so I wish to send all my best wishes to each and everyone of you.
All the best and I will talk to you all in 2009.
MERRY CHRISTMAS - HOPE SANTA IS GOOD TO YOU ALL!!!!
XXXX
Friday, 19 December 2008
Chapter 69
I stood outside the room where everyone was waiting unable to bring myself to open the door. I noticed Nurse Margaret walking towards me so I waited to tell her the Paul drank all of his milk. She was pleased that I had gotten on so well.
“I know it is hard for you to go in there but they are your friends, they want to help you through this hard time. You need to let them in.”
I smiled and took a deep breath gently pushing the door open.
Everyone just stared at me I handed Paul to Fiona and broke down again. I sat on the floor holding my knees to my chest rocking back and forth, burning hot tears streaming down my cheeks.
To my surprise it was Andy that came to my rescue.
He sat down on the floor beside me and rubbed my back as Colby had done only a few hours before.
“I know it is hard Sidney, you have lost the love of your life, I have lost my little sister, mum and dad have lost their daughter and all of us in this room have lost our best friend but right now this little boy”, he held his arms out to his mum who placed little Paul close to his chest, “needs us to look after him, he needs you especially to be strong for him.
“We will not let you struggle Sidney, we are all here to help you and will be there for you every step of the way.
“Gill is watching down on us all and smiling, she loves you. It will be ok.”
He continued to rub my back and let me get everything out of my system.
“I need to phone my agent, we need to release a press statement, probably have a press conference and let the world know what has happened.
“Fiona, Dave, Andy are you all ok with that?” I asked suddenly realising there was so much to do.
“If you think it is the right thing to do Sidney then yes it is ok with us.” Fiona answers.
I turned to leave the room with Paul to make some calls when suddenly I remembered,
“Can some please call Sara before this goes public, I don’t want her to find out by watching the TV?”
I didn’t wait for an answer, I knew someone would phone everyone including all Gills friends and family in Scotland, they are going to be devastated.
I spoke to my mum and dad on the phone and they said they would be there shortly, they had managed to catch an earlier flight.
“I know it is hard for you to go in there but they are your friends, they want to help you through this hard time. You need to let them in.”
I smiled and took a deep breath gently pushing the door open.
Everyone just stared at me I handed Paul to Fiona and broke down again. I sat on the floor holding my knees to my chest rocking back and forth, burning hot tears streaming down my cheeks.
To my surprise it was Andy that came to my rescue.
He sat down on the floor beside me and rubbed my back as Colby had done only a few hours before.
“I know it is hard Sidney, you have lost the love of your life, I have lost my little sister, mum and dad have lost their daughter and all of us in this room have lost our best friend but right now this little boy”, he held his arms out to his mum who placed little Paul close to his chest, “needs us to look after him, he needs you especially to be strong for him.
“We will not let you struggle Sidney, we are all here to help you and will be there for you every step of the way.
“Gill is watching down on us all and smiling, she loves you. It will be ok.”
He continued to rub my back and let me get everything out of my system.
“I need to phone my agent, we need to release a press statement, probably have a press conference and let the world know what has happened.
“Fiona, Dave, Andy are you all ok with that?” I asked suddenly realising there was so much to do.
“If you think it is the right thing to do Sidney then yes it is ok with us.” Fiona answers.
I turned to leave the room with Paul to make some calls when suddenly I remembered,
“Can some please call Sara before this goes public, I don’t want her to find out by watching the TV?”
I didn’t wait for an answer, I knew someone would phone everyone including all Gills friends and family in Scotland, they are going to be devastated.
I spoke to my mum and dad on the phone and they said they would be there shortly, they had managed to catch an earlier flight.
Tuesday, 16 December 2008
Chapter 68
We all stood up desperate to hear what the doctor had to say. I could see from the look on his face that it was not good news.
“I am sorry but unfortunately Gillian passed away a few moments ago, we did everything we could…”
I didn’t hear anymore of what the doctor said, I found my knees buckling again and thankfully there was a chair to catch my fall, I put my head in my hands and cried.
I have no idea how long I was like that for when I heard the door to the room opening and the nurse coming in.
“I know this is hard Mr Crosby but your son needs to eat, we have made up a formula bottle, would you like to try to give it to him?” She spoke to me softly, her tone comforting.
When I looked around the room I noticed everyone was gone.
“Where is everyone?” I asked still sobbing.
“Everyone is the waiting room where you saw the team. They would all like to see you but wanted to give you your space.
“Why don’t you try to feed little Paul and I will go and tell everyone that you will be along in about half an hour. Would you like something to eat?”
I shook my head no, “Thank you any way, you have been so kind, what is your name?”
“My name is Margaret.” She smiled at me and handed me the bottle and left the room.
I gently picked up Paul and tempted him with the warm bottle, to my surprise he took it first time and seemed to enjoy it. I even managed to burp him first time, I was so proud of myself.
I slowly sat up and prepared myself to go and see everyone, trying to unsuccessfully make the constant flow of tears stop. I just felt so empty, now I can understand how Gill felt when she lost her husband Paul.
“I am sorry but unfortunately Gillian passed away a few moments ago, we did everything we could…”
I didn’t hear anymore of what the doctor said, I found my knees buckling again and thankfully there was a chair to catch my fall, I put my head in my hands and cried.
I have no idea how long I was like that for when I heard the door to the room opening and the nurse coming in.
“I know this is hard Mr Crosby but your son needs to eat, we have made up a formula bottle, would you like to try to give it to him?” She spoke to me softly, her tone comforting.
When I looked around the room I noticed everyone was gone.
“Where is everyone?” I asked still sobbing.
“Everyone is the waiting room where you saw the team. They would all like to see you but wanted to give you your space.
“Why don’t you try to feed little Paul and I will go and tell everyone that you will be along in about half an hour. Would you like something to eat?”
I shook my head no, “Thank you any way, you have been so kind, what is your name?”
“My name is Margaret.” She smiled at me and handed me the bottle and left the room.
I gently picked up Paul and tempted him with the warm bottle, to my surprise he took it first time and seemed to enjoy it. I even managed to burp him first time, I was so proud of myself.
I slowly sat up and prepared myself to go and see everyone, trying to unsuccessfully make the constant flow of tears stop. I just felt so empty, now I can understand how Gill felt when she lost her husband Paul.
Tuesday, 9 December 2008
Chapter 67
We headed along to see everyone and I don’t think I have ever seen the whole team cry other than when we won the Stanley Cup. Although there was tears of happiness there were still many tears of worry – we still don’t know what is going on with Gill.
“Oh Sidney, your baby is gorgeous.” Vero exclaims as she makes her way over to me.
“Thank you Vero, I want you all to meet Paul Patrick Crosby.” I tell the room as I hand him over to Vero for a cuddle.
“How is Gill?” I hear Tyler ask quietly from the back of the room, his brown eyes glazed over with tears, his jaw clenched tightly.
“The doctors are still working on her as soon as I have news I will let you know.”
We all sat in silence for about an hour before we headed back to the other room with baby Paul.
While we were still sitting with everyone I did something I have not done in far to long, I prayed but I not only to God, I prayed also to Paul, Gills husband who I know watches down on Gill everyday and I asked him to help Gill fight, to help her get through this and if he couldn’t help if he could look after her for me.
“Sid, I will stay with the guys and give you all some space,” I hear Colby say as we left the room.
“No Colby, please come with us, please…” I was almost pleading with him, I needed him with me. He has been my best friend since the day I met him and he is my rock. I can’t face this without his support.
I placed Paul down in the little cot that the nurse had made for him. I watched him sleep, his chest rising and falling as he breathed, his little hands resting on his stomach. He was completely at peace. I hope he gets to meet his mum.
I heard a faint knock at the door and the Dr Jamieson entered…
“Oh Sidney, your baby is gorgeous.” Vero exclaims as she makes her way over to me.
“Thank you Vero, I want you all to meet Paul Patrick Crosby.” I tell the room as I hand him over to Vero for a cuddle.
“How is Gill?” I hear Tyler ask quietly from the back of the room, his brown eyes glazed over with tears, his jaw clenched tightly.
“The doctors are still working on her as soon as I have news I will let you know.”
We all sat in silence for about an hour before we headed back to the other room with baby Paul.
While we were still sitting with everyone I did something I have not done in far to long, I prayed but I not only to God, I prayed also to Paul, Gills husband who I know watches down on Gill everyday and I asked him to help Gill fight, to help her get through this and if he couldn’t help if he could look after her for me.
“Sid, I will stay with the guys and give you all some space,” I hear Colby say as we left the room.
“No Colby, please come with us, please…” I was almost pleading with him, I needed him with me. He has been my best friend since the day I met him and he is my rock. I can’t face this without his support.
I placed Paul down in the little cot that the nurse had made for him. I watched him sleep, his chest rising and falling as he breathed, his little hands resting on his stomach. He was completely at peace. I hope he gets to meet his mum.
I heard a faint knock at the door and the Dr Jamieson entered…
Monday, 8 December 2008
A BIG Thank You.
I want to put a big thank you out to Stehanie over at Hockey for the Ladies as she did me a massive favour. She sent me over the Penguins 3rd strip as it is impossible to buy NHL tops in Scotland. She is a star and I am forever grateful to her.
Remember to keep an eye on Stephanies great site everyone.
If I can also take this opertunity to thank everyone for their lovely comments on my story and I will try and post again tomorrow or Wednesday at the latest.
Thanks everyone and if you have any suggestions or if you would like anything changed please contact me.
Take care xx
Remember to keep an eye on Stephanies great site everyone.
If I can also take this opertunity to thank everyone for their lovely comments on my story and I will try and post again tomorrow or Wednesday at the latest.
Thanks everyone and if you have any suggestions or if you would like anything changed please contact me.
Take care xx
Wednesday, 3 December 2008
Chapter 66
I sat back down staring into space afraid to let the tears fall in case they did not stop.
We are in a private hospital so we have managed to keep the press away, for the moment they don’t know anything and I plan to keep it that way for as long as possible.
A nurse came and told us a few moments ago that the entire team and their partners were sitting in a family waiting room just down the hall and that my parents were catching the first flight over and will be here early tomorrow.
An hour later a female nurse looking to be in her late forties came out still wearing her green scrubs holding a little baby who was crying just ever so slightly.
I stood up and she handed me the child who was wrapped in a warm white blanket. “Mr Crosby, I would like to introduce you to your beautiful baby boy.”
I was unable to contain my tears any longer as they rolled down my face and as I looked around everyone I noticed that Gill’s family and Colby were also crying.
“If you will just follow me in to this room over here we can get the little guy cleaned up and then you can take him to see your friends. The doctors are still working on Gillian and as soon as they know anything more they will come and tell you.”
The nurse spoke softly and with a lot of emotion, she reminded me of an old fashioned nurse, someone who takes time out to make sure her patients are ok. She turned on her heals and we all followed her into a small room where she took my baby and cleaned him up. I watched her intently paying close attention to everything she was doing, no one in the room finding the right words to say, tears still steaming from all of our eyes.
When the nurse was done she went to hand me my baby back but I asked Fiona if she wanted to take him, she took him and held him so closely sobbing uncontrollably. She handed him to Dave who only held him for a moment and Andy just turned away finding it to hard to deal with until he knew what was happening with his little sister.
Army had a little cuddle, I was surprised at how good he was with him and eventually he gave him back to me.
I sat for a moment with my baby in my arms, taking in everything about him. His blue eyes shining just like his mum’s, his light brown curly hair reminding me of what mine had been like for so many years before turning dark. His tiny fingers wrapping themselves around one of my fingers, still tears poured from my eyes. He is gorgeous.
“Gill and I had discussed names and decided on what he would be called if he was a boy and just as well he is a boy because we could not decide on girls names.
“I would like to introduce you all to Paul Patrick Crosby.”
I looked around everyone to see a small smile form on everyone faces knowing that we had named our baby after Gill’s first husband.
“Nurse, do you mind if I take him along to meet the rest of the team now?” I asked quietly.
“Of course not Mr Crosby, just remember to keep him warm and bring him back here when you are ready.”
“Thank you”.
We are in a private hospital so we have managed to keep the press away, for the moment they don’t know anything and I plan to keep it that way for as long as possible.
A nurse came and told us a few moments ago that the entire team and their partners were sitting in a family waiting room just down the hall and that my parents were catching the first flight over and will be here early tomorrow.
An hour later a female nurse looking to be in her late forties came out still wearing her green scrubs holding a little baby who was crying just ever so slightly.
I stood up and she handed me the child who was wrapped in a warm white blanket. “Mr Crosby, I would like to introduce you to your beautiful baby boy.”
I was unable to contain my tears any longer as they rolled down my face and as I looked around everyone I noticed that Gill’s family and Colby were also crying.
“If you will just follow me in to this room over here we can get the little guy cleaned up and then you can take him to see your friends. The doctors are still working on Gillian and as soon as they know anything more they will come and tell you.”
The nurse spoke softly and with a lot of emotion, she reminded me of an old fashioned nurse, someone who takes time out to make sure her patients are ok. She turned on her heals and we all followed her into a small room where she took my baby and cleaned him up. I watched her intently paying close attention to everything she was doing, no one in the room finding the right words to say, tears still steaming from all of our eyes.
When the nurse was done she went to hand me my baby back but I asked Fiona if she wanted to take him, she took him and held him so closely sobbing uncontrollably. She handed him to Dave who only held him for a moment and Andy just turned away finding it to hard to deal with until he knew what was happening with his little sister.
Army had a little cuddle, I was surprised at how good he was with him and eventually he gave him back to me.
I sat for a moment with my baby in my arms, taking in everything about him. His blue eyes shining just like his mum’s, his light brown curly hair reminding me of what mine had been like for so many years before turning dark. His tiny fingers wrapping themselves around one of my fingers, still tears poured from my eyes. He is gorgeous.
“Gill and I had discussed names and decided on what he would be called if he was a boy and just as well he is a boy because we could not decide on girls names.
“I would like to introduce you all to Paul Patrick Crosby.”
I looked around everyone to see a small smile form on everyone faces knowing that we had named our baby after Gill’s first husband.
“Nurse, do you mind if I take him along to meet the rest of the team now?” I asked quietly.
“Of course not Mr Crosby, just remember to keep him warm and bring him back here when you are ready.”
“Thank you”.
Friday, 28 November 2008
Chapter 65
I do not remember the journey from the arena to the hospital, first thing I do remember is a young male nurse escorting us down a corridor and asking us to take a seat.
I sat there for what felt like hours but was only actually about 10 minutes before Gills parents and brother arrived, the whole time Colby was rubbing my back like I was a little child but in a strange way it was comforting.
I got up and enveloped Gill’s mum, Fiona, in a big hug not knowing what to say to her, I could only imagine how she would be feeling.
“The nurse has told us that the doctor will be out to talk to us shortly. We have no idea what is going on or even what happened.”
We all sat in silence, Gill’s brother Andy, and dad Dave, both yet to say anything, they shook my hand when they came in but it must be so hard for them.
“Sid, that looks like it may be the doctor heading over,” Colby said nudging me in the arm.
We all stood up waiting for the doctor to tell us something… anything.
“I am sorry to have kept you all waiting, my name is Dr Jamieson and I have been looking after Gillian. She is in a critical condition at the moment and with your consent we are going to carry out an emergency section so that we can treat Gillian without harming the baby.
“The baby’s heart beat is still strong and we want to keep it that way so we think this is the best way forward for both mother and child. Mr Crosby, you are next of kin and also the father of the child in question, I am going to get the paperwork and will be back in a moment, you are under no obligation to sign but we believe it is in the best interest of your family.”
As he turned around I looked at Fiona who was crying uncontrollably, I held her and told her I think that I should allow the doctors to do whatever is needed but if she did not agree then I would accept her wishes.
“No Sidney, we need to do everything we can to save Gill and hopefully your child too and if that means her having a section then we need to do it.” She cried into my shoulder.
I turned to Dave and Andy and they both just nodded at me and went and sat down, I am really worried about them.
The doctor soon came back and I signed the documents giving them full consent to do what is necessary to safe my wife and child... I am so scared.
I sat there for what felt like hours but was only actually about 10 minutes before Gills parents and brother arrived, the whole time Colby was rubbing my back like I was a little child but in a strange way it was comforting.
I got up and enveloped Gill’s mum, Fiona, in a big hug not knowing what to say to her, I could only imagine how she would be feeling.
“The nurse has told us that the doctor will be out to talk to us shortly. We have no idea what is going on or even what happened.”
We all sat in silence, Gill’s brother Andy, and dad Dave, both yet to say anything, they shook my hand when they came in but it must be so hard for them.
“Sid, that looks like it may be the doctor heading over,” Colby said nudging me in the arm.
We all stood up waiting for the doctor to tell us something… anything.
“I am sorry to have kept you all waiting, my name is Dr Jamieson and I have been looking after Gillian. She is in a critical condition at the moment and with your consent we are going to carry out an emergency section so that we can treat Gillian without harming the baby.
“The baby’s heart beat is still strong and we want to keep it that way so we think this is the best way forward for both mother and child. Mr Crosby, you are next of kin and also the father of the child in question, I am going to get the paperwork and will be back in a moment, you are under no obligation to sign but we believe it is in the best interest of your family.”
As he turned around I looked at Fiona who was crying uncontrollably, I held her and told her I think that I should allow the doctors to do whatever is needed but if she did not agree then I would accept her wishes.
“No Sidney, we need to do everything we can to save Gill and hopefully your child too and if that means her having a section then we need to do it.” She cried into my shoulder.
I turned to Dave and Andy and they both just nodded at me and went and sat down, I am really worried about them.
The doctor soon came back and I signed the documents giving them full consent to do what is necessary to safe my wife and child... I am so scared.
Wednesday, 26 November 2008
Chapter 64
“Sid, can you come off the ice now please.” I heard Mario shouting at me from the edge of the rink.
“In a minute Mario, just let me finish this drill.” I shouted and turned to go back to what I was doing.
“SIDNEY I NEED YOU HERE NOW!!”
I skated off annoyed that Mario had interrupted training and could not believe he had the nerve to shout at me like that in front of the team, he knows how important things are just now especially when we don’t have Gill here keeping us in line.
“What is so important that it could not wait until after training Mario?” I snap at him when I notice 2 uniform policemen standing just behind him.
“Why are their police here?” I say to him feeling very confused and suddenly very scared.
“Mr Crosby, is there somewhere we can talk in private?” The first officer says to me sounding very serious.
“You can talk to me here, please tell me what is going on?”
“There has been an accident Mr Crosby, your wife has been airlifted in the hospital you need to get there immediately.”
I felt my knees buckle and suddenly someone was standing behind me holding me up. My mind was running at a thousand miles a minute.
“Gill, oh my God nooooooooo…. What about the baby? I need to see her now!!” I say to no one in particular. I go to walk away when I realise I still have my skates on and once again I just about fall over, again those arms hold me up from behind me. I quickly get to the dressing room not bothering to see who was helping me and change my shoes and grab my car keys.
“You will not be driving anywhere Sidney, I will take you and the police are going to escort us, apparently the weather is really bad.” I hear Colby saying as he to changes out of his skates. I find myself staring at him not really understanding what is going on.
“You and Gill have been what has held me together over the last few months it is now my turn to help you guys.” I can see Colby standing in front of me, his hands on my arms searching for some emotions in my eyes but to be honest I don’t feel anything, I just feel numb.
“I need to get to the hospital.” I answer as if something snaps me out of a daze and walk out the door.
The police were waiting for us at Colby’s car, I could not believe how bad the weather is, it looks like it has been snowing for a week, we had only be in the arena for about 2 hours and when we arrived it was a great day, the sun was shining brightly and I was happy, the season has been going great and in about 2 weeks I am going to be a dad. I really hope Gill and the baby are ok I can’t go on without her...!
“In a minute Mario, just let me finish this drill.” I shouted and turned to go back to what I was doing.
“SIDNEY I NEED YOU HERE NOW!!”
I skated off annoyed that Mario had interrupted training and could not believe he had the nerve to shout at me like that in front of the team, he knows how important things are just now especially when we don’t have Gill here keeping us in line.
“What is so important that it could not wait until after training Mario?” I snap at him when I notice 2 uniform policemen standing just behind him.
“Why are their police here?” I say to him feeling very confused and suddenly very scared.
“Mr Crosby, is there somewhere we can talk in private?” The first officer says to me sounding very serious.
“You can talk to me here, please tell me what is going on?”
“There has been an accident Mr Crosby, your wife has been airlifted in the hospital you need to get there immediately.”
I felt my knees buckle and suddenly someone was standing behind me holding me up. My mind was running at a thousand miles a minute.
“Gill, oh my God nooooooooo…. What about the baby? I need to see her now!!” I say to no one in particular. I go to walk away when I realise I still have my skates on and once again I just about fall over, again those arms hold me up from behind me. I quickly get to the dressing room not bothering to see who was helping me and change my shoes and grab my car keys.
“You will not be driving anywhere Sidney, I will take you and the police are going to escort us, apparently the weather is really bad.” I hear Colby saying as he to changes out of his skates. I find myself staring at him not really understanding what is going on.
“You and Gill have been what has held me together over the last few months it is now my turn to help you guys.” I can see Colby standing in front of me, his hands on my arms searching for some emotions in my eyes but to be honest I don’t feel anything, I just feel numb.
“I need to get to the hospital.” I answer as if something snaps me out of a daze and walk out the door.
The police were waiting for us at Colby’s car, I could not believe how bad the weather is, it looks like it has been snowing for a week, we had only be in the arena for about 2 hours and when we arrived it was a great day, the sun was shining brightly and I was happy, the season has been going great and in about 2 weeks I am going to be a dad. I really hope Gill and the baby are ok I can’t go on without her...!
Friday, 21 November 2008
Chapter 63
Soon the All Stars weekend was over and I only had a couple of weeks left until our little baby was due. I decided since I wouldn’t be at work for much longer I would go down to the office and make sure everything was sorted for me going off and update my laptop with the new software so that I could access everything from home when the wee man (that seemed to be the name we were using for the baby – sorry little baby if you are a girl) was sleeping.
Not long after leaving the house the snow started coming down heavily, the traffic was moving slowly and although the roads were busy the snow was becoming thick and out of control at very a fast rate. Soon the roads were gridlocked and I was still about 10 minutes from the arena. I had never seen chaos like this before.
I was sitting back listening to the radio waiting patiently for the traffic to move when I heard screeching breaks coming from my left, I turned to see a lorry skidding out of control and heading straight for me, I looked about but had no where to go, I was stuck. I closed my eyes tight and for the first time in my life I prayed to god that the lorry would not hit me or at the very least my baby would be ok…….!
Not long after leaving the house the snow started coming down heavily, the traffic was moving slowly and although the roads were busy the snow was becoming thick and out of control at very a fast rate. Soon the roads were gridlocked and I was still about 10 minutes from the arena. I had never seen chaos like this before.
I was sitting back listening to the radio waiting patiently for the traffic to move when I heard screeching breaks coming from my left, I turned to see a lorry skidding out of control and heading straight for me, I looked about but had no where to go, I was stuck. I closed my eyes tight and for the first time in my life I prayed to god that the lorry would not hit me or at the very least my baby would be ok…….!
Chapter 62
The next day we went to training camp and all the new recruits started well, everyone playing together and working hard.
Before we knew it the season had started and it was Christmas already.
Colby was starting to get back to his usual playful self although he was still mending a broken heart. I know that he will be ok in time and eventually he will learn to love again when he finds the right person.
By now my bump is rather large having only 2 more months to go until baby is due. We decided not to find out what we were having although everyone is convinced it is a little boy.
I have still been managing to train the guys and travel with them but everyone knows that changes will have to take place soon but we will find away to make it work.
Currently the Pens are 2nd in the conference and have been having a great season. Sidney is equal top goal scorer with Steve Stamkos of the Tampa Bay Lightning, a bright one kid who was first pick in the drafts a couple of years back. Alex Ovechkin is a close second and our Geno in 3rd place. Let’s hope the season only continues to get better.
The All Stars weekend this year is in Calgary so we will be able to tie in a visit to Mike while we are over there. This year the guys from the Pens going the team are Sidney, Marc-Andre and Jordan Staal. Vero has decided to come with us all to Calgary, she wants to take me baby clothes shopping!! She of course also wants to look for a wedding dress and bridesmaid’s dresses. She has asked me to be her maid of honour which of course I gladly said yes too.
Before we knew it the season had started and it was Christmas already.
Colby was starting to get back to his usual playful self although he was still mending a broken heart. I know that he will be ok in time and eventually he will learn to love again when he finds the right person.
By now my bump is rather large having only 2 more months to go until baby is due. We decided not to find out what we were having although everyone is convinced it is a little boy.
I have still been managing to train the guys and travel with them but everyone knows that changes will have to take place soon but we will find away to make it work.
Currently the Pens are 2nd in the conference and have been having a great season. Sidney is equal top goal scorer with Steve Stamkos of the Tampa Bay Lightning, a bright one kid who was first pick in the drafts a couple of years back. Alex Ovechkin is a close second and our Geno in 3rd place. Let’s hope the season only continues to get better.
The All Stars weekend this year is in Calgary so we will be able to tie in a visit to Mike while we are over there. This year the guys from the Pens going the team are Sidney, Marc-Andre and Jordan Staal. Vero has decided to come with us all to Calgary, she wants to take me baby clothes shopping!! She of course also wants to look for a wedding dress and bridesmaid’s dresses. She has asked me to be her maid of honour which of course I gladly said yes too.
Chapter 61
Sidney came home and I explained about my conversation with Sara. He could not believe what she had done and that she had left me to tell Colby that she was gone.
It came to about 2pm and there was still no sign of life from Colby so I made a strong coffee and took it up to him. I entered his room to find him again lying crying in bed.
“Hey sweetie, how are you this morning?” I say trying to sound cheery as I hand him his coffee. I went round to the other side of the bed and sat beside him leaning on the headboard.
“It is ok, I heard everything she said to you in the kitchen this morning, I was about to come down when I heard you asking her to sit down so you could talk. I can’t get over how cold she was towards the whole situation.
“She should never have put you in a situation like that, expecting you to tell me that she was gone. I am sorry that she did that to you Gill.” He looked at me with tear filled eyes and again apologised for her behaviour.
“You don’t need to apologise for her Colby. I am sorry you had to hear what she said.”
It is ok Gill, I needed to hear it but now I just cant find the motivation to get out of bed, I have been lying here for hours trying to tell myself at there are other girls out there, that I am starting with the Penguins again tomorrow but right now none of that matters, even after what she said without Sara in my life nothing makes sense.”
“Why don’t we take you home and get what you need for the road trip and then bring you back here to stay for the night. I will cook your favourite meal for tea and then we can do whatever you want and you can sleep here again tonight. I don’t think you should be on your own just yet.”
“Thanks Gill, you are a God send, I don’t know what I would do without you.”
So that is what we did, we got Colbys things are brought him back to the house.
It came to about 2pm and there was still no sign of life from Colby so I made a strong coffee and took it up to him. I entered his room to find him again lying crying in bed.
“Hey sweetie, how are you this morning?” I say trying to sound cheery as I hand him his coffee. I went round to the other side of the bed and sat beside him leaning on the headboard.
“It is ok, I heard everything she said to you in the kitchen this morning, I was about to come down when I heard you asking her to sit down so you could talk. I can’t get over how cold she was towards the whole situation.
“She should never have put you in a situation like that, expecting you to tell me that she was gone. I am sorry that she did that to you Gill.” He looked at me with tear filled eyes and again apologised for her behaviour.
“You don’t need to apologise for her Colby. I am sorry you had to hear what she said.”
It is ok Gill, I needed to hear it but now I just cant find the motivation to get out of bed, I have been lying here for hours trying to tell myself at there are other girls out there, that I am starting with the Penguins again tomorrow but right now none of that matters, even after what she said without Sara in my life nothing makes sense.”
“Why don’t we take you home and get what you need for the road trip and then bring you back here to stay for the night. I will cook your favourite meal for tea and then we can do whatever you want and you can sleep here again tonight. I don’t think you should be on your own just yet.”
“Thanks Gill, you are a God send, I don’t know what I would do without you.”
So that is what we did, we got Colbys things are brought him back to the house.
Chapter 60
Sidney had gone out for a run and I was in the kitchen preparing breakfast when Sara came down.
“Sara, will you sit down, I would like to talk to you but you can tell me to mind my own business if you want.” I ask seriously wanting to talk to her about how she feels towards Colby.
“What’s up Gill?” She asks in a light almost chipper tone.
“Do you still love Colby?” I asked getting straight to the point.
“Truthfully Gill I don’t think I do. I thought for a while that I did and I missed having him around but I think I just missed the idea of him rather than him as a person.
“I know I was cruel last night asking you to sing that song when I knew it would have that affect on him but he walks about like nothing is wrong, I should hope that after us being together for so long he is hurting even just a little.”
“So is that all you want Sara, for Colby to show you his broken heart, for you to rip it open even more. I expected more of you Sara, if you don’t love him anymore fair enough, you had to break it off with him to make yourself happy but you don’t need to be cruel to him. He has given you everything you could have ever asked for and all you can do is throw it back in his face.
“The last thing I want Sara is for this to come between our friendship but Colby is like a brother to me and I cannot handle seeing him like this, it is not fair.” Tears start running down my face as I take a hold of Sara’s hand.
“I was going to talk to you about this today Gill, you are one of my best friends and I don’t want this to come between us either but I know your loyalties lie with Colby. I am glad he has friends like you and Sid around for him in times like this.
“I have decided not to move back to Pittsburgh with Colby, I am going to stay in Atlanta with some friends and take it from there. I guess I will have to get a job but I will figure all that out in time.
“I am going to be selfish and leave without talking to Colby. I can’t face him looking at me with those sad eyes it hurts too much. I know I am a coward, and I know it is cruel but this is the way it is.
“Goodbye Gill, I will be in touch in a few months when I get sorted and will come and visit you and the baby. Take care.”
Sara stood up and gave me a hug and left for good. How on earth am I going to tell Colby what has happened.
“Sara, will you sit down, I would like to talk to you but you can tell me to mind my own business if you want.” I ask seriously wanting to talk to her about how she feels towards Colby.
“What’s up Gill?” She asks in a light almost chipper tone.
“Do you still love Colby?” I asked getting straight to the point.
“Truthfully Gill I don’t think I do. I thought for a while that I did and I missed having him around but I think I just missed the idea of him rather than him as a person.
“I know I was cruel last night asking you to sing that song when I knew it would have that affect on him but he walks about like nothing is wrong, I should hope that after us being together for so long he is hurting even just a little.”
“So is that all you want Sara, for Colby to show you his broken heart, for you to rip it open even more. I expected more of you Sara, if you don’t love him anymore fair enough, you had to break it off with him to make yourself happy but you don’t need to be cruel to him. He has given you everything you could have ever asked for and all you can do is throw it back in his face.
“The last thing I want Sara is for this to come between our friendship but Colby is like a brother to me and I cannot handle seeing him like this, it is not fair.” Tears start running down my face as I take a hold of Sara’s hand.
“I was going to talk to you about this today Gill, you are one of my best friends and I don’t want this to come between us either but I know your loyalties lie with Colby. I am glad he has friends like you and Sid around for him in times like this.
“I have decided not to move back to Pittsburgh with Colby, I am going to stay in Atlanta with some friends and take it from there. I guess I will have to get a job but I will figure all that out in time.
“I am going to be selfish and leave without talking to Colby. I can’t face him looking at me with those sad eyes it hurts too much. I know I am a coward, and I know it is cruel but this is the way it is.
“Goodbye Gill, I will be in touch in a few months when I get sorted and will come and visit you and the baby. Take care.”
Sara stood up and gave me a hug and left for good. How on earth am I going to tell Colby what has happened.
Wednesday, 19 November 2008
Chapter 59
Sorry guys this is a long chapter. Thanks for all your lovely comments and support. I hope you are all still enjoying my story.
“Gill, that was beautiful.” Vero said to as tears streamed down her face after I sang my song.
“The words are perfect and you have managed to sum up exactly the way I feel about Marc.
“How did we not know you could sing after knowing you for over 3 years? Your voice is wonderful.”
“Thanks Vero, Sidney did not even know I could sing until a few months ago when he caught me out by the pool with my guitar. It is not something I tend to make common knowledge but it is something I enjoy very much.”
“Gill, would you be able to sing a specific song for me?” I heard Sara asking as she approached Vero and I. Sara was Colby’s girlfriend but the broke up a few weeks ago and I know neither of them are happy but they are both still very close friends to us all.
“If I know the song Sara I will sing it for you.”
Its Tim McGraw ‘Like we Never Loved at all’, it reminds me of Colby and I want him to know how I am feeling.
Ok, go and sit down and I will sing, do you want me to get everyone’s attention and say it is for you?”
“No just start, he will know that it is meant for him. Thanks Gill, you are a star.”
Vero and Sara went and sat down and I started to play – the lyrics are as follows:
You never looked so good
As you did last night
Underneath those city lights
Then walking with your friend
Laughing at the moon
I swear you looked right through me
But I'm still living with your goodbyes
And you're just going on with your life
[chorus]
How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all
You, I hear you're doing fine
Seems like you're doing well
As far as I can tell
Time is leaving us behind
Another week has passed
And still I haven't laughed yet
So tell me what your secret is
Just to let it go let it go like you did, like you did
[chorus]
How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all
Did you forget the magic…
Did you forget the passion…?
Did you ever miss me…?
Ever long to kiss me…?
[chorus]
How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all
I looked up to see Colby leave the room and wipe away what looked like tears, I put the guitar down a followed Colby through to the kitchen to find him sitting alone with his head in his hands.
I took his hand and led him to the out house at the bottom of the garden, it is fully heated and quite comfortable to sit in on a nice evening. It has a glass roof as I love looking at the stars.
“Lets look at the stars for a while Colby, get away from all the hustle and bustle of the house.”
We sat out looking at stars from the out house, as we sat on the sofa I let him hold me and cry for as long as he needed too. I trusted him 100% and I knew that Sidney did too.
He curled himself up into a ball on the sofa and put his head on my legs and sobbing uncontrollably.
“I am sorry if I made things worse for you Colby by singing that song, if I knew it would this affect on you I would never have agreed to sing it…
“The thing is Colby sometimes things are to hard to handle, when Paul died I thought my whole world was going to end and everything that happened made me hurt even more and no matter what people said to me I could not see how I could possibly be happy again.
“When I moved here things were still hard, I was so annoyed with myself for falling for Sidney, I felt like I was betraying Paul and when Sidney rejected me things just went from bad to worse…
“I realised one morning that I could not wait around for other people to make me happy, that the only person that could do anything about it was me…
“I guess what I am trying to say Colby is that the only person that can take away the pain you are feeling just now is you.
“How do you feel when you look at Sara?” I asked him hoping that he would stop crying long enough to talk to me. Eventually after a long silence I got an answer.
“When I look at Sara it is like nothing else matters, like we are the only 2 people in the whole world. When I go home at night and I lie alone in bed and all I can do is cry, I feel like there is this big gap in my heart where Sara used to fill, I am empty and hurting like I have never hurt before and I don’t know how to make the feeling go away.
“I have to look like I am carrying on with my life when she is about, she broke it off with me and I don’t want her to see that she has broken my heart, I can’t look weak to her.”
He sat up and looked at me in the eye, his eyes red and blood shot from crying so hard. He looked like a lost little boy and I just wanted to take his pain away.
“Gill, I used to think that hockey was the most important thing in my life but since Sara broke up with me I have realised that is not the case, I would walk away from hockey if it meant that I could have Sara back in my life – if I could hear her tell me she loves me just one more time, if I could hold her in my arms and know that everything will be ok as long as long as we are together.”
Looking deep into Colby’s eyes so that he knew that what I was saying was coming straight from my heart I said to him, “Colby, when Paul died I would have given anything to have him back in my life but there was nothing I could do, the difference here is that Sara is only a few feet away and is still alive and kicking.
“I know she hurt you when she broke it off with you but you still have the chance to make things right. You can’t let your pride get in the way of what you really want. Talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel, tell her what you have told me here tonight. I can’t promise you will hear what you want but believe me when I say that it will help a lot to get this of your chest.
“Why don’t you go back into the house and go for a lie down in the spare room, you can stay here tonight and I really think you should go and talk to Sara in the morning.”
“Thanks Gill, I really don’t know what I would do without you. Can you do me one favour before I go to bed if Sara is still here?”
“What can I do Colby?” I asked wiping his uncontrollable tears from his cheeks.
“Can you sing a song from me this time, can you sing Bryan Adams ‘Please Forgive Me’
I smiled at him and told him I would only sing if he promised that he would then go up to bed.
“I promise Gill and thank you again for everything tonight. Sidney is one lucky guy and I am so glad to be closer to you both.”
We went back inside and I sat down with me guitar and started signing for the third time this evening. The words were as follows:
Still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss, its getting better baby
No one can better this...
Still holding on, you’re still the one
First time our eyes met, same feeling I get
Only feels much stronger, want to love you longer
You still turn the fire on...
So if you’re feeling lonely don’t
You’re the only one I ever want
I only want to make it good
So if I love you a little more than I should
Please forgive me, I know not what I do...
..I cant stop loving you
Don’t deny me this pain I’m going through...
...if I need you like I do
Please believe me every word I say is true...
...our best times are together...
...touch, still getting closer baby
Cant get close enough...
Still holding on, still number one
I remember the smell of your skin...everything
...all your moves...you, yeah!
...the nights you know I still do...
...one thing I’m sure of is the way we make love
And one thing I depend on is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath I’m praying
That’s why I’m saying...
...never leave me I don’t know what Id do...
As I finished I saw Colby leave the room, I hope he is going to be ok, I know Sara still loves him, I hope she can find it in her heart to let him back in.
An hour or so later everyone left apart from Sara,
“Gill, can I stay here tonight, I really don’t want to be alone tonight and I don’t know where else to go?”
“You are more than welcome to stay Sara but you do realise that Colby is asleep in one of the spare rooms?” I asked while searching for any hint of emotion in her eyes.
“I thought he might be, I promise I wont let him know that I am here and I will respect his privacy, I will either be gone by the time he gets up or will stay in my room until he has left. Do the guys have practice tomorrow?”
“No they have a day off tomorrow before we leave for training camp the following day. Sara, just do me one favor? When Colby is ready to talk please listen to what he has to say.”
We said our good nights and Sidney and I headed to bed. I looked in on Colby on my way past the room he had chosen to sleep in, he was still awake lying on the covers so I went into him.
“Come on Colby let’s get you in to bed.” I sat him up and pulled his t-shirt over his head.
“Stand up mister and lets get these jeans off you too.”
He did what I asked without saying a word. I unbuttoned his jeans and let them fall to the ground, he stepped out of them and I took this opportunity to pull the covers back on the bed. He got in and I pulled the covers up around him and stroked his browny blonde curly hair.
“Try and get some sleep Colby, I will sit here with you until you doze off and we are just down the corridor if you need us during the night. There is no hurry to get up in the morning and when you do I will make you something nice for breakfast and if you need to talk some more then you can. He closed his eyes and soon drifted off to sleep so I quietly left the room and went to my own bed.
“Hey honey, it’s been a long night, are you ok?” Sidney asks as I curl up next to him.
“Yeah, I am fine thanks Sidney I am just so worried about Colby he is not dealing with this break up at all. You should have seen the pain in his eyes when he was talking about things, he wouldn’t even go to bed, he was just lying on the covers crying and crying. I eventually had to undress him and get him into bed so I sat with him until he exhausted himself and fell asleep.”
We sat talking for a little while longer when I too eventually fell asleep.
“Gill, that was beautiful.” Vero said to as tears streamed down her face after I sang my song.
“The words are perfect and you have managed to sum up exactly the way I feel about Marc.
“How did we not know you could sing after knowing you for over 3 years? Your voice is wonderful.”
“Thanks Vero, Sidney did not even know I could sing until a few months ago when he caught me out by the pool with my guitar. It is not something I tend to make common knowledge but it is something I enjoy very much.”
“Gill, would you be able to sing a specific song for me?” I heard Sara asking as she approached Vero and I. Sara was Colby’s girlfriend but the broke up a few weeks ago and I know neither of them are happy but they are both still very close friends to us all.
“If I know the song Sara I will sing it for you.”
Its Tim McGraw ‘Like we Never Loved at all’, it reminds me of Colby and I want him to know how I am feeling.
Ok, go and sit down and I will sing, do you want me to get everyone’s attention and say it is for you?”
“No just start, he will know that it is meant for him. Thanks Gill, you are a star.”
Vero and Sara went and sat down and I started to play – the lyrics are as follows:
You never looked so good
As you did last night
Underneath those city lights
Then walking with your friend
Laughing at the moon
I swear you looked right through me
But I'm still living with your goodbyes
And you're just going on with your life
[chorus]
How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all
You, I hear you're doing fine
Seems like you're doing well
As far as I can tell
Time is leaving us behind
Another week has passed
And still I haven't laughed yet
So tell me what your secret is
Just to let it go let it go like you did, like you did
[chorus]
How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all
Did you forget the magic…
Did you forget the passion…?
Did you ever miss me…?
Ever long to kiss me…?
[chorus]
How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all
I looked up to see Colby leave the room and wipe away what looked like tears, I put the guitar down a followed Colby through to the kitchen to find him sitting alone with his head in his hands.
I took his hand and led him to the out house at the bottom of the garden, it is fully heated and quite comfortable to sit in on a nice evening. It has a glass roof as I love looking at the stars.
“Lets look at the stars for a while Colby, get away from all the hustle and bustle of the house.”
We sat out looking at stars from the out house, as we sat on the sofa I let him hold me and cry for as long as he needed too. I trusted him 100% and I knew that Sidney did too.
He curled himself up into a ball on the sofa and put his head on my legs and sobbing uncontrollably.
“I am sorry if I made things worse for you Colby by singing that song, if I knew it would this affect on you I would never have agreed to sing it…
“The thing is Colby sometimes things are to hard to handle, when Paul died I thought my whole world was going to end and everything that happened made me hurt even more and no matter what people said to me I could not see how I could possibly be happy again.
“When I moved here things were still hard, I was so annoyed with myself for falling for Sidney, I felt like I was betraying Paul and when Sidney rejected me things just went from bad to worse…
“I realised one morning that I could not wait around for other people to make me happy, that the only person that could do anything about it was me…
“I guess what I am trying to say Colby is that the only person that can take away the pain you are feeling just now is you.
“How do you feel when you look at Sara?” I asked him hoping that he would stop crying long enough to talk to me. Eventually after a long silence I got an answer.
“When I look at Sara it is like nothing else matters, like we are the only 2 people in the whole world. When I go home at night and I lie alone in bed and all I can do is cry, I feel like there is this big gap in my heart where Sara used to fill, I am empty and hurting like I have never hurt before and I don’t know how to make the feeling go away.
“I have to look like I am carrying on with my life when she is about, she broke it off with me and I don’t want her to see that she has broken my heart, I can’t look weak to her.”
He sat up and looked at me in the eye, his eyes red and blood shot from crying so hard. He looked like a lost little boy and I just wanted to take his pain away.
“Gill, I used to think that hockey was the most important thing in my life but since Sara broke up with me I have realised that is not the case, I would walk away from hockey if it meant that I could have Sara back in my life – if I could hear her tell me she loves me just one more time, if I could hold her in my arms and know that everything will be ok as long as long as we are together.”
Looking deep into Colby’s eyes so that he knew that what I was saying was coming straight from my heart I said to him, “Colby, when Paul died I would have given anything to have him back in my life but there was nothing I could do, the difference here is that Sara is only a few feet away and is still alive and kicking.
“I know she hurt you when she broke it off with you but you still have the chance to make things right. You can’t let your pride get in the way of what you really want. Talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel, tell her what you have told me here tonight. I can’t promise you will hear what you want but believe me when I say that it will help a lot to get this of your chest.
“Why don’t you go back into the house and go for a lie down in the spare room, you can stay here tonight and I really think you should go and talk to Sara in the morning.”
“Thanks Gill, I really don’t know what I would do without you. Can you do me one favour before I go to bed if Sara is still here?”
“What can I do Colby?” I asked wiping his uncontrollable tears from his cheeks.
“Can you sing a song from me this time, can you sing Bryan Adams ‘Please Forgive Me’
I smiled at him and told him I would only sing if he promised that he would then go up to bed.
“I promise Gill and thank you again for everything tonight. Sidney is one lucky guy and I am so glad to be closer to you both.”
We went back inside and I sat down with me guitar and started signing for the third time this evening. The words were as follows:
Still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss, its getting better baby
No one can better this...
Still holding on, you’re still the one
First time our eyes met, same feeling I get
Only feels much stronger, want to love you longer
You still turn the fire on...
So if you’re feeling lonely don’t
You’re the only one I ever want
I only want to make it good
So if I love you a little more than I should
Please forgive me, I know not what I do...
..I cant stop loving you
Don’t deny me this pain I’m going through...
...if I need you like I do
Please believe me every word I say is true...
...our best times are together...
...touch, still getting closer baby
Cant get close enough...
Still holding on, still number one
I remember the smell of your skin...everything
...all your moves...you, yeah!
...the nights you know I still do...
...one thing I’m sure of is the way we make love
And one thing I depend on is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath I’m praying
That’s why I’m saying...
...never leave me I don’t know what Id do...
As I finished I saw Colby leave the room, I hope he is going to be ok, I know Sara still loves him, I hope she can find it in her heart to let him back in.
An hour or so later everyone left apart from Sara,
“Gill, can I stay here tonight, I really don’t want to be alone tonight and I don’t know where else to go?”
“You are more than welcome to stay Sara but you do realise that Colby is asleep in one of the spare rooms?” I asked while searching for any hint of emotion in her eyes.
“I thought he might be, I promise I wont let him know that I am here and I will respect his privacy, I will either be gone by the time he gets up or will stay in my room until he has left. Do the guys have practice tomorrow?”
“No they have a day off tomorrow before we leave for training camp the following day. Sara, just do me one favor? When Colby is ready to talk please listen to what he has to say.”
We said our good nights and Sidney and I headed to bed. I looked in on Colby on my way past the room he had chosen to sleep in, he was still awake lying on the covers so I went into him.
“Come on Colby let’s get you in to bed.” I sat him up and pulled his t-shirt over his head.
“Stand up mister and lets get these jeans off you too.”
He did what I asked without saying a word. I unbuttoned his jeans and let them fall to the ground, he stepped out of them and I took this opportunity to pull the covers back on the bed. He got in and I pulled the covers up around him and stroked his browny blonde curly hair.
“Try and get some sleep Colby, I will sit here with you until you doze off and we are just down the corridor if you need us during the night. There is no hurry to get up in the morning and when you do I will make you something nice for breakfast and if you need to talk some more then you can. He closed his eyes and soon drifted off to sleep so I quietly left the room and went to my own bed.
“Hey honey, it’s been a long night, are you ok?” Sidney asks as I curl up next to him.
“Yeah, I am fine thanks Sidney I am just so worried about Colby he is not dealing with this break up at all. You should have seen the pain in his eyes when he was talking about things, he wouldn’t even go to bed, he was just lying on the covers crying and crying. I eventually had to undress him and get him into bed so I sat with him until he exhausted himself and fell asleep.”
We sat talking for a little while longer when I too eventually fell asleep.
Chapter 58
We spent the rest of the day telling family and close friends, I went into the office to tell Mario and Ray and we agreed to sit down before the baby was due and discuss how I could still train the guys and in the meantime when I was on the ice I would wear a ‘no contact’ vest.
We organised a team meal for the next day and told the guys to bring their wives / girlfriends and even their children if they wanted too. Colby was also still in the area to we invited him too, he to had news for the guys which somehow had managed to be kept secret for a month or so now.
“Right, now that everyone is here”, I say standing up at the table with Sidney on one side of me and Colby on the other.
“Tonight is not formal and is nothing to worry about we just have a few things we want to discuss with you all before we go away to training camp.
“First of all you are all probably wondering why we are having a team meal and Colby Armstrong is sitting here. Colby, stand up please and tell everyone your news.”
Colby stood beside me and put his arm around my shoulders.
“Guys, it is good to see you all. My news is that over the summer I accepted a transfer away from Atlanta…
“Guys I am coming home, I signed with Pittsburgh yesterday and have a 5 year contract so there is no getting rid of me this time. I am so happy to be back and I hope you can all welcome me back into the team again.”
Colby sat down and received a big cheer from everyone. I knew they would all be so happy to have their friend back on the team.
“Right that is not all the news so if I can get your attention for a little bit longer then I promise you will get some food.
“Most of you were asking why I was wearing a ‘no contact’ vest this morning at training and I told you it was because I was a bit under the weather. Well technically that was not true. I will be wearing a ‘no contact’ vest for the next 7 months…”
I looked around everyone and some of the wives were starting to get little smiles on their faces, Kirsty and Geno were smiling like Cheshire cats and the rest of the guys were still looking at me with vacant expressions.
“Carry on Gill please, we are starving”, I hear Jordan say from across that table.
“Ok Jordan if all you can think of is your stomach, if you don’t want hear my news I will signal the waiter to start bringing the food.”
I tried to look as serious as possible and started to turn my back on them to see the waiter that was standing waiting patiently until I had finished my little speech.
“Gill, hold on, come on we want to know what is going on.” Jordan replied.
I turned back laughing.
“Ok! Some of you, especially the females in the group have figured out what is going on but for those of you that are still looking at me blankly,”
I turned to Sidney and put I hand out for him to hold but he stood up and put his arm around my waist.
“I am pregnant. Our first child is due in February so for the next 7 months there will be ‘no contact’ for me but I will try to continue with training as before and we will decide nearer the time what will happen once our child is born.”
Some the females were crying and guys were all cheering.
“This as been an amazing night”, Marc-Andre starts saying as he now stands up. I take this opportunity to sit down.
“We find out we are getting one of our best friends back on the team after too many years away and our captain and best friend is going to be a Dad and of course the best trainer in the world is going t be a Mum, your child is going to be some sort of super kid – the NHL will be wanting to sign it before it is even born!!!
“Also before we came out tonight Vero found a box that I had been hiding for her birthday – inside the box was a rather large diamond set on a very expensive gold band.
“I was planning on proposing to Vero on her birthday when I took her out for a romantic meal but because she found the ring I proposed early and she said YES!!!
“We are hoping to plan the wedding for July next year after the season finishes.”
Another round of congratulations followed and eventually we sat down and ate. The night was so nice and Sidney proceeded to tell everyone about the song that I had written for him and how I had sang it at a friends wedding.
It was decided that we would head back to our house after the meal and I would sing the song again.
We organised a team meal for the next day and told the guys to bring their wives / girlfriends and even their children if they wanted too. Colby was also still in the area to we invited him too, he to had news for the guys which somehow had managed to be kept secret for a month or so now.
“Right, now that everyone is here”, I say standing up at the table with Sidney on one side of me and Colby on the other.
“Tonight is not formal and is nothing to worry about we just have a few things we want to discuss with you all before we go away to training camp.
“First of all you are all probably wondering why we are having a team meal and Colby Armstrong is sitting here. Colby, stand up please and tell everyone your news.”
Colby stood beside me and put his arm around my shoulders.
“Guys, it is good to see you all. My news is that over the summer I accepted a transfer away from Atlanta…
“Guys I am coming home, I signed with Pittsburgh yesterday and have a 5 year contract so there is no getting rid of me this time. I am so happy to be back and I hope you can all welcome me back into the team again.”
Colby sat down and received a big cheer from everyone. I knew they would all be so happy to have their friend back on the team.
“Right that is not all the news so if I can get your attention for a little bit longer then I promise you will get some food.
“Most of you were asking why I was wearing a ‘no contact’ vest this morning at training and I told you it was because I was a bit under the weather. Well technically that was not true. I will be wearing a ‘no contact’ vest for the next 7 months…”
I looked around everyone and some of the wives were starting to get little smiles on their faces, Kirsty and Geno were smiling like Cheshire cats and the rest of the guys were still looking at me with vacant expressions.
“Carry on Gill please, we are starving”, I hear Jordan say from across that table.
“Ok Jordan if all you can think of is your stomach, if you don’t want hear my news I will signal the waiter to start bringing the food.”
I tried to look as serious as possible and started to turn my back on them to see the waiter that was standing waiting patiently until I had finished my little speech.
“Gill, hold on, come on we want to know what is going on.” Jordan replied.
I turned back laughing.
“Ok! Some of you, especially the females in the group have figured out what is going on but for those of you that are still looking at me blankly,”
I turned to Sidney and put I hand out for him to hold but he stood up and put his arm around my waist.
“I am pregnant. Our first child is due in February so for the next 7 months there will be ‘no contact’ for me but I will try to continue with training as before and we will decide nearer the time what will happen once our child is born.”
Some the females were crying and guys were all cheering.
“This as been an amazing night”, Marc-Andre starts saying as he now stands up. I take this opportunity to sit down.
“We find out we are getting one of our best friends back on the team after too many years away and our captain and best friend is going to be a Dad and of course the best trainer in the world is going t be a Mum, your child is going to be some sort of super kid – the NHL will be wanting to sign it before it is even born!!!
“Also before we came out tonight Vero found a box that I had been hiding for her birthday – inside the box was a rather large diamond set on a very expensive gold band.
“I was planning on proposing to Vero on her birthday when I took her out for a romantic meal but because she found the ring I proposed early and she said YES!!!
“We are hoping to plan the wedding for July next year after the season finishes.”
Another round of congratulations followed and eventually we sat down and ate. The night was so nice and Sidney proceeded to tell everyone about the song that I had written for him and how I had sang it at a friends wedding.
It was decided that we would head back to our house after the meal and I would sing the song again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
